How to Flirt with A Married Man?

How to Flirt with A Married Man? I often enjoy sitting at the coffee shop on my idle days just to release some tension at the expense of some lone guy. With all the eye butting and giggling like a teenager and blushy “Hey”. There is something carnal and primal about it.

The butterflies and youthfulness -long forgotten; if like me you already hit your forties- and the childishness of emotional abandonment. 

Once or maybe twice I have left with a stranger’s number or him with mine, and this has always led to all the textual flirting.

It’s a beautiful thing especially if like me you are single and sometimes lonely, no offense to Silly and Pouches my lovely companion cats. 

The thing with flirting innocuous as it might seem, it’s a stepping stone to a larger complicated yet simple sin.

I can’t count the number of times I have found myself in a kind of complicated situation because I flirted with the wrong guy. Or got carried away by the carefully selected words meant to lure me in a lion’s den and each time I fell for them, I fell hard; I must admit, I am a hopeless romantic 🤦🏿‍♀️🤦🏿‍♀️

What is flirting

We all fall vice to flirting. Either as:

  • Second nature
  • Unaware
  • Intentionally.

Flirting is a social and sexual behavior that involves a person or two individuals using spoken or written communication as well as body language to indicate interest in each other for a deeper relationship or for sheer amusement.

Flirting behavior might entail teasing, carried voice intonations, prolonged saying, and intense body language.

However, flirting varies from culture to culture depending on the social etiquette that governs a given society.

Ethologist Irenäus Eibl-Eibesfeldt discovered that despite the differences in culture, such as those that are so prominent between places like Africa and North America, women, he found exhibited similar flirting behavior, such as a prolonged stare followed by a head tilt away with a little smile.

Types of flirting

You flirt with everything… You flirt with the old man, people and babies, and everything in between

Rainbow Rowell

You might not realize it but if you flirt a lot. Remember the times you have changed the intonation of your voice maybe even your body language so you can get the person at the grocery store to like you so they can offer you a discount? 

Other times you have had to chat up someone so they can grant you a favor?

Flirting comes in all forms. 

In 2015, Jeffrey Hall and Chong Xing from the University of Kansas determined that there were five types of filtration in which we all belonged. Whatever your technique of flirting, you will most definitely fall into one of the five categories. 

1. The playful flirt.

People that fall in this category are what we would refer to as the most flirtatious humans.

Flirting is second nature to them. Even while in committed relationships, they will still flirt for a non-sexual gain because to them flirting is fun and more often it is the only way they know how to communicate.

Most time they are oblivious that they are flirting. For them, flirtation is natural, casual, and fun.

2. The polite flirt.

This kind of flirting is best used by introverts. It is non-confrontational, it does not involve verbatim action nor does it involve physical.

A polite flirt will not convey their level of attraction; he/she will remain formal and polite even distant despite their level of interest.

3. The sincere flirt

This one is a good listener because he is genuinely interested in what the other party is saying.

He truly cares about what other people say, thinks, or does; he is unlikely to tease but will employ meaningful eye contact.

4. The traditional flirt. 

He is bound by long term societal influences. If it’s a woman, she will back and wait for the man to make the move.

However, people in this category are aware of their filtration and see it as a game and respect a time-tested set of rules and etiquette.

5. The Physical flirt.

This one relays heavily on body language. They will often use positive body language though subtly to convey their interest in someone.

A brush of the knee while talking, leaning in as the laugh is among the many techniques they shall employ.

Why do we flirt?

Flirting likes border being corky and infectious in such a way that turns the sides of our lips slowly upward into a  smile

Imagine waking up to “I wish I was your mirror so that I could look at you every morning.”

Flirtings can turn a gloomy day into a bright one with just a single line, however, to what end are these sweet words being said. Why do people flirt and to what end? 

Below we explore the various reasons why people actually flirt.

1. Sex

Flirting is just another form of foreplay. Think of it as farming. You level the field and prepare it for the sowing; you soften the ground before you plant the seed.

This is what flirting does for some couples. It paves the way for a sexual encounter.

2. Fun

Some people flirt for fun. It is a nice, laid back way of making jokes and saying “nothing serious”

For others, the fun is in the teasing and the unease it brings them.

3. Explore.

People flirt to explore, Some just want to see where it will lead to to.

4. Rationality

Rationality is yet another reason why people flirt. For example, the rational reason for a couple flirting could be to increase intimacy in the relationship.

5. Favor Seeking

People use flirting as an instrument to seek favor. It’s not unusual for people to flirt and just so to get something from someone or to coax someone into something they otherwise wouldn’t do for them.

6. Esteem

Some people flirt to boast their low esteem. It’s not unusual for people to hide their insecurities behind fine lines as a way to cover up for their shortcomings.

Difference between being friendly and flirting. 

Multiple studies conducted over the years have resolved that we are now great at figuring out the difference between when one is flirting with us or is simply being friendly.

Some people are naturally friendly, unfortunately, they are often construed as being flirty.

You have misread one or two people’s friendly gestures as being flirtatious, admit it, we all have.

It’s often embarrassing for us when we finally realize that all the person was being is friendly.

So how do we avoid further embarrassment?

How can we tell that some are being friendly and not flirty?

Pay attention to eye contact

Pay attention to eye contact. Tina B. Jessica, PhD (aka Dr Romance), in an interview with Bustle (a women’s magazine), was quoted to have said: Friendly is a glance, maybe a nod or a relaxed ‘Hello’, but a flirty one is prolonged eye contact, lowered eyelids (bedroom eyes) and emphasis on the ‘Hello’ – leaning forward, hair flipping or straightening their clothes.

Friendly is a glance, maybe a nod or a relaxed ‘Hello’, but a flirty one is prolonged eye contact, lowered eyelids (bedroom eyes) and emphasis on the ‘Hello’ – leaning forward, hair flipping or straightening their clothes.

Tina B. Jessica

She further elaborates that, “Friendly is relaxed and just implies cordiality while flirty tries to get across a specific interest in intimacy.

Someone that is flirting with you will let you know they are available. Some blatantly though for most it will be through cheesy lines that will draw your attention to their availability 

A noticeable change in behaviour

A noticeable change in behaviour when you are around someone that is flirting with you. Sudden shyness or talkativeness so that they can get noticed.

There is a primal need for us to look most attractive or desirable for the person we like as a way to get them to like us back.

Asking for help

They tend to ask for a lot of help. When we are attracted to someone, we find every reason to try and make them feel needed.

They always go out of their way to say hi. When you start realising that you are saying hi to someone more times than not, it could be they are trying to flirt unlike when someone is just being friendly.

The body language says it all. Pay attention to body language. A person flirting with you will always lean in when they are trying to say something to you.

What you should know about flirting.

  • Couples too need to flirt. Brady Frisby, a researcher at the University of Kentucky, says that flirting creates a private world for the pair.  
  • Men always overestimate how interested women are.  You usually when a woman is being cordially responsive it’s often interpreted as ” she is into me” which is never the case. Sometimes which is most times FYI women are only trying not to be perceived as rude. Women, on the other hand, tend to downplay and under perceive sexual interest from men 
  • Flirting enhances one’s attraction. Steven W. Gangestad, a researcher at the University of New Mexico states that flirting is a negotiation process after months of attraction, a subtle way of testing the waters. Imagine how weird the following statement would sound “Hey, am attracted to you, are you attracted to me”. It is not just repulsive but would instantly make the person saying it seem unattractive. Therefore flirting is a tool that would work better to reveal your attraction as well as have it revealed in small doses. “Flirting, ” Gangestad says, “then becomes something that enhances attraction.”
  • The best flirters always shift their strategies based on the context. Just like every question requires a different approach, flirting with different people requires different strategies since each individual is unique and reacts differently.
  • Flirting is not based on the most attractive person in the room. It is all about signalling availability.
  • The most attractive characteristics while flirting depend on gender. For example, who women find happiness attractive as opposed to men, men will find pride attractive, something women loath. However, both genders do find an expression of shame very attractive.

Should you flirt with married men?

Should you flirt with a married man? Honestly, I cannot answer this question for you.

  • You are probably feeling conflicted on what to do
  • He is probably hot and is saying the right word.
  • Maybe he is everything you have wished for and now you are torn between your upbringing, societal code, all the moral values you have been taught over years.

The fact is, there is a hot man that likes you and is flirting with you…everything is perfect but he is married!!! How to get a married man to leave his wife?

Being over forty and single I have had my fair share of life and it has brought married men along my path.

What I can tell you for sure, is you are headed for one very complicated ride. Remember flirting has its implications that can be for or against you. 

So while you are still juxtaposed at whether flirting with a married is a good idea or not, ask yourself one of these questions;

  • Why are you flirting with him in the first place?
  • Are you sure you are prepared for the repercussions should his wife find out?
  • Are you okay knowing you probably are tearing a family and that you flirting with him could act as a catalyst to reaping apart a family?
  • Is he the only option or you could flirt with an unmarried man? 

As I said, I cannot answer this question, it a ‘you’ problem and only you can answer it and fix it.

Related: signs a married man is falling in love with you

Why do married men flirt?

It’s a fact that men flirt and so do majority married men. So why do they flirt?

1. Married men will flirt to feed their egos.

Married men will flirt to feed their egos. To feed their desire that they are still wanted and are still attractive.

Strange, but when you have been married long and your spouse takes you for granted, you start to wonder if she finds you attractive and the only way to prove it to themselves is getting an external opinion.

It would be strange if they asked blunt questions like “hey do you think I’m attractive?” or ” hey, do you find me attractive?!” So flirting is a tool they employ.

2. Men are hunters by nature

Men are hunters by nature. Lame excuse, I know, but nevertheless true! So men will flirt to keep their hunting skills and also to prove they still got game.

There is the thrill that comes with the chase, something they will not experience in their marriage.

3. He wants sex. Most married men will flirt hoping to get laid.

There is no intimacy in his marriage. Humans, men inclusive, are emotional beings. When there is no intimacy in his marriage, he tries to make up for it by flirting as a way of feeling wanted and desired but also to get sex else where.

How to flirt with a married man?

You are feeling adventurous and would want to source up your life even a little bit with fun, flirting with a married man, here are a few things to take to account;

Related: make a married man want you sexually

Use silly pick up lines to make him feel wanted.

Use silly pick up lines to make him feel wanted. Don’t make him uncomfortable. How to make a man fall in love with you?

Try to be casual and friendly in such a way that he can be comfortable and relax around you. Silly pick up lines while texting is a great way to start a light conversation. 

  1. Bat your eyelashes at him as though you were a barbie doll and make him feel sexy.
  2. Keep it light. Do not be intense or serious. This could scare him away.
  3. Be witty and interesting. Employ your witty self in conversation. There is something attractive about intelligence. 
  4. Looking stunning and smell good each time you see him. Men a visual being. Body language coupled with good looks goes a long way while flirting with a man.
  5. By all means, avoid talking about his family, it’s a turn-off and a definite upgrade to the friend-zone and that is not what you want.
  6. Let him feel the electricity between the two of you. Get less chatty and let the body language speak. Now don’t go wiggling like a snake you might just become a comic. A brush of your hand on his, a simple tilt of the head would do it. Kindly for your ancestors and mine, don’t overdo it, it will lose its intended meaning.

How do I stop a married man from flirting with me?  

It is a frustrating and annoying feeling when you keep receiving flirtatious messages or even signs from especially a married man and you wish they could stop. Here is how to get a married man to stop flirting with you 

  1. Be honest. Speak to him and be brutally honest about how unwelcome his advances are and remind him of his marriage and that he should respect his wife and that you would never even consider him as an option. 
  2. Constantly mention his wife and family. Yes, do it as a way to constantly remind him that he is taken and you are aware of it. Even if you were interested in him, constantly mentioning his wife and family acts as a jolt from the euphoria you might be in.
  3. Cut all communication. If he won’t listen to you or even get the hint you are not interested, cut all communication, it doesn’t hurt. You deserve the peace of mind and his constant filtrations are not only unwelcoming they are equally annoying and bugging. Cutting all forms of communication would give you the well-deserved peace of mind.
  4. Distract yourself and for us your energies elsewhere. Find something that can occupy you. Remember, an idle mind is the devil’s workshop. Read a book, watch a movie or simply go out with your girlfriend. Anything to keep that beautiful mind of yours occupied and him out of it.

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Author:

Lead spell caster at Nkima Spells. College graduate who ended up a witch doctor from the Samalagwe.

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