How to get your ex back? We all know even simple breakups can turn hard to mend. Simply becuse we are humans. As humans, we are wired to react with panic against certain life-threatening events. Breakup is a life-threatening event. It brings out the panic within most of us. It’s this panic that makes us susptable to a great number of mistakes that reduces chances of mending even a simple breakup.
Panic and why you should avoid it.
After a breakup, panic in you creates a dire need for quick solutions to mend your broken relationship. In this state, you tend to gather unthought through ideas. The kind of ideas you gather in your head at this point in time determines the percentage of chances to succeed in mending this broken relationship. Desires to recreate our relationship created behind panic, sometimes just forces the whole idea away and makes it impossible for you to ever mend your relationship. These desires even farther force your partner farther away from you.
In this article I’ll go over seven things you need to avoid when in a breakup. These ideas will help you increase the chances of getting your pattern back to you without killing the little desires left for you in him. Before we get down to it, lets first figure out why humans panic.
Why do we panic and lose patience whenever it comes to wanting to mend a broken relationship?
We are humans. Our mind is wired to work that way. We are wired to protect items of value to us. a breakup takes away something of value from us. In a human mind, constant thoughts are given to the hardship we shall face should such loss surfaces. In your mind you are “should this loss occur I might not stand a chance to rebound”.
What are the mistakes to avoid after a breakup
Let’s dive into some of the mistakes that you should avoid to stand chances of getting your ex back.
Avoid pitty and begging
You broke up for reasons, what makes you think pitty and begging would magically make him forget such reasons? Unfortunate for you, none of the reasons for your breakup is embedded in the word “forgive me please”.
Let’s understand what causes breakups. People break up because of litle small things done over time. These small mistakes cover the part of the brain that loved you. In his mind, you stHOW TO GET YOUR EX BACK ay loved. The most important note though is tiny small mistakes over time covering up a part of his mind that loved you. Underneth is your love, on top covered with hate from your mistakes.
Now without giving this person a chance to settle those perceived mistakes, with your pity and begging what do you think you are doing? You guessed right. You are adding my tiny mistakes to ones already in his head. More wrongdoings covering the love part of their brains. Pitty and begging become another collection of those small wrongdoings.
When someone breaks up with you they need space to make sense of the goods and the bads that they’ve endured in the relationship. Back to panic in humans, your mind is impatient, quickly turns into a machine that forces you to go and bomber this person with pleadings. You are denying his mind a chance to evaluate the goods and the bads you’ve done in a relationship. In his mind he wants you to get back with him but the right way. The right way is not by begging first. Right way is by giving them a chance to decipher the whole breakup situation.
They need to make sense of their breakup decision without interruption from you. Pleading and begging and using pitty is just a way of closing their minds, removing them from their own process of trying to understand the situation. When you plead and begg, you are forcing him to focus on understanding why you’re pleeding. This is interaption. No one wants to be interrupted. The mind when it’s busy working on a solution it wants to work on a solution. Pleading calling texting and using PT is one thing that doesn’t go well with a brain that is trying to concentrate.
If there is one major activity that causes a breakup that would quickly have sustain to go west, pleeding and using pitty. Pleeding is so bad. Pleading makes you look weak, it makes you look like an insecure person. By this time it doesn’t really matter how you look like, but the question is does it also not matter how your ex perceives you? if it matter to your ex that he wants the strong independent you, is it really unimportant to you that you express that strength?
Do you see how panic in your brain plays you?
Do you see how panic kills all the chances of getting back with your lover?
So my dear friend you have to start grounds. The reason you broke up is because something didn’t make sense. Let your partner make sense of the situation. Let him process it in their own time. Give him space and time. Let your ex have space to think and make sense of the whole situation.Keep your chance to say sorry for when your partner sought to see you. Don’t say sorry many times, That’s called pleading and begging. Don’t be needy you can leave without him for a few days, lets break leaving without him in the next section.
Avoid showing him that you can’t live without him
One of the worst decisions that people in breakup makes, is to become miserable and show their partner that they are miserable without them.
On your minds you are like “if I let him know that I am miserable without him he will change his minds”. You think if only he knows that you can’t continue your life without him, he will come back?
Listen here, my friend. No one takes their ex back out on pity. No one is attracted to someone who is miserable. Never ever let you cut him see the downside of you after break up.
Show your partner that you’re even stronger. This might sound like not what you want. Start by understanding the reason why you broke up. Then give him space. At giving them space, still, show them that you are strong even after a breakup.
Win your ex back – Avoid the mistake of showing your partner that you can’t continue your life with them.
When you show your partner you can’t continue life without him. You are becoming as weak as hell. In such a weak state of mind, it makes your ex leave. Your ex prays for such breakdown when breakup. Your ex wants you to break loose. No ones feel sory for you. You’re the only one who feels sorry for you. That’s not how your ex thinks. He broke up with you so what you. Just hold yourself up together to be strong in front of your partner.
Be a person who understands the reasons why you broke up.
In breakup situations, people tend to give less time to reasons why they brokeup. Its human insticts to focus more effort on how to mend your differences. This habbit has a negative impact. When you behave this way, again you deny your partner space to process the whole conundrum.
Give your partner all the time he needs to make up things. The quicker you give them time after breakup, the quicker he will be to evaluate his decision that drove him away from you. so never ever let your partner see you the weak side of you after Break-Up.
Avoid agreeing to everything your partner says never let him walk over you
When you break up with your lover, you want them very bad that you willing to sacrifice your desires. You get so desperate that your goals and value matters less to you. You let your partner do whatever they want because you strongly feel that if you do let them walk over you and do whatever they want they will eventually come back.
That’s a lie. You make your ex to respect you even less when you become as desperate as a person who agrees to let her ex walk over her. How do you think your relationship is going to be after you’ve come back together? you let your ex make ridiculous demands. Because you thought that will bring him back to you, You agreed to each and every ridiculous demands he made. Letting your partner walk over you do not get your ex back to you. Letting him walk over you does one thing for sure, makes your ex even respect you less. This goes back to the using pitty and neediness that we talked about earlier.
How happy do you think you are going to be? Are you really convinced that you are going to be happy in a relationship where your desires, values don’t matter? Right now that’s what your mind says to you. Your minds says your values don’t matter as long as he’s back but how long are you going to hold up for this idea? The moment he comes back, very soon you will realise you deserve respect which if he does not agree and wants to stick to his demands, quickly will take you back to square one; apart again.
I don’t think this is what you want. Avoid accepting ridiculous demands from your ex. Stay bold. Don’t let your ex walk over you in the name of them coming back to you. Be focused. Stay within the bounds of your values and needs. Let your ex see you for who you are not for who your mind is forcing you to let him see as. This is important because when respect fades away in a relationship so does the relationship itself. Nobody wants to be with someone they don’t respect.
Avoid becoming the most loving person for your ex
Avoiding showing so much affection to your partner after a breakup. Our mind is wired to think that if you break up with your lover, that he will come back to you if you show him so much affection and that you love him so much and that you the only one in this world that would ever love that person the way he must be loved.
This is another mistake. This is how you think in your mind. “how could he reject me if I showed him so much love and affection?” See how wrong this is? the fact that you call him your ex, means he’s just not in love with you right now. Are you forgetting that this is the same person who broke up with you? Don’t you think he knew how much you love them before he went up with a breakup? The impatience in your minds is pushing you to do things without thinking. He knew how much you loved him, but he went ahead and broke up with you. What makes you think this is going to change things now?
Showing your ex more affection after a breakup makes him feel even more trapped. This behaviour makes him feel like he can’t run away from what he was trying to run away from, to begin with. Such kind of inconvenience is the kind that even makes them run far away from you.
Avoid inconveniencing your ex. Avoid clattering their minds. The better thing to do would just be to give them space.
Avoid letting your minds make you do things without thinking. All the things you think of doing like loving them or other things that you’ve tried to do when you’re still in a relationship but he still made the decisions to leave you.
You chase him even further when you fail to give him space. because even after he left you, he does not feel the space to think.
People leave their relationship to get space to make sense of things.
Trying to shower him with love denies him that space and he will even want to run far away from you.
How to get your ex back? Avoid actions driven by anger
My uncle once told me that anything you do out of anger seldom yields any positive benefits. When you feel anger you start driving a lot of unthoughtful options. These actions damage your relationship even more. Imagine name calling your ex out of anger. What about situations where you felt like threatening your ex out of anger. These are mistakes that need to be avoided simply because the more you do such silly and unthought through actions, you only drive your ex away.
Your ex feels less attracted to you. Would you be attracted to someone who name calls you? would you be attracted to someone who threatens you? Maybe you are used to name calling each other when you fight during the course of your relationship, so your mind my deceives you that this is just another one of the fights that you normally have. Your minds are deceiving you that if you can just show your ex you are angry perhaps then he will understand and come back to you. How wrong? Name-calling, fighting and threatening remind your ex of the small small things that accumulated enough to cover the loving part of his brains. Name calling makes affirmation to the decision he made to leave you.
In fact, to make matters worse this is the kind of actions makes more affirmation that both of you don’t understand each other. To your ex’s minds, it’s just another affirmation that he’s making the right decision to leave you.
Avoid being obsessed with your ex. Don’t misinterpret your ex’s actions
Obsession is due to your mind racing after Time. Within this race, a lot of mistakes are bound to be made. Asking yourself questions such as is he missing me? Does he still love me? What can I do to get him back instantly? Are some of the questions your minds are racing through. The problem with this race is your minds tend to get ridiculous answers. Answers which leads you to act ridiculously without proper application of mind. In turns becomes just another obsession over your ex-boyfriend.
Obsession is terrible it creates false situations. In your minds, such situations are so true that you are waking up driven to do things that you wouldn’t have done otherwise.
Obsession makes you imagine your ex going out on a date with someone else.
Misinterpretation is thinking otherwise about a situation which means something else. Imagine your ex added you on one of the social media group he is on. To you, you let your brains race you into thinking maybe the breakup is over. Quickly you wake up making phone calls and start demanding things. Again that’s an obsession. avoid letting your brain race you through things that are not real. All the questions that run out of your brain are all useless at this point. Avoid trying to understand what is going on in your ex’s mind. Concentrate on you and what should go on with your life day by day.
Your ex wants you to win him back the right way. He just doesn’t believe you can. It’s really painful but avoid chances of falling into obsession trap.
You only can win him back if you give him time and stay far away from him and let them process and make sense of the situation.
Lead spell caster at Nkima Spells. College graduate who ended up a witch doctor from the Samalagwe.