Do married men lie to their mistresses?
- What are the most common lies men tell their mistress?
- What should you do if you realize that a man is lying to you?
Certainly, not everything a married man says to you is a lie. However, the majority of things that a married man says to you will be lies. Think about it, a married man isn’t obliged to you in any way. How can you expect honesty from a man who has no obligation whatsoever to you?
The only reason a married man has you as a mistress is so that he can have his cake and eat it. He wants the best of both worlds, a wife for home and a freaky mistress for the bed. Everything he says to you at this time is to maintain the balance.
I understand why a mistress would hold onto whoever a married man says for dear life. As a mistress, you want to believe that all the time and emotions you have invested in the relationship were not for nothing.
You also probably like this man, and if the lies that he feeds you are true, it means that maybe just maybe, he might like you too. You want it to be true so badly that you’re not willing to find out if it’s false.
Why do men lie to their mistresses?
What is the motive of a man when he’s lying to his mistress? What does he stand to gain from lying to his mistress? Why do men lie?
If a married man came to you and said: “Look, I am married, but I just want someone like you on the side for fun and all.” Would you be willing to go with this man? Be honest. Very few women would.
If a married man is not sly and secretive of his intentions, he’s never going to get a mistress to start with. I know it is selfish, but a guy will not let the fact that he is married stop him from being with a gorgeous girl. In that case, he would rather lie about it.
There you have it, the reason men lie to their mistresses is to get them to sleep with them in the first place and keep them.
The truth is that if he came to you with the truth, you wouldn’t be interested. Hence, he has to continue lying to keep you invested in the relationship.
The 8 Common lies a married man will tell you.
Philandering men could easily be the most devious creatures to ever walk this planet. You see, no level-headed woman entertains the thought of playing second fiddle to another woman’s man or being the second option.
The only reason why many women, including very intelligent girls, end up with married men is his tongue’s craftiness. The man will promise heaven and earth, but sadly, in the end, he delivers nothing but sex.
His best shot is to lie and tell you what you want to hear to keep you interested otherwise, who would fall for such a scumbag without a little nudging?
What are the common lies, and married men will tell you, and why are they effective? Listed below are the most common lies that married men will tell you.
1. “My wife won’t sleep with me.”
Have you noticed how married men paint their wives black?
- My wife is abusive
- My wife has mental issues
- She mistreats me
- My wife this, my wife that; all BS
Hearing such accusations always leaves me wondering if your wife is that horrible, why did you marry her in the first place?
Also, assuming that all that b******* was true, how is your business his wife is XZY? It isn’t any of your concern that his marriage is awful.
The only reason would feed you with such crap is a cheap ploy to solicit sympathy from you so that later when he asks to sleep with you or any other outrageous demand, you will be inclined to accept since you feel sorry for him.
Think of it this way, why would a man marry a witch for a wife? If that is true, why hasn’t he divorced her? I’ll tell you, he hasn’t left her because he lied, his wife isn’t that bad.
2. “I married early.”
So what if you married early?
- I didn’t choose my wife
- She tricked into marrying her with a pregnancy
This is another cheap ploy to get you to feel sorry for him. So what if he didn’t choose his wife? Or if he married early?
All that crap is none of your business. None of that is your doing. Don’t let the man manipulate you into fixing problems you didn’t even start.
He’s an adult, and as such, he should face the consequences of his decision. He married her, that is his cross to carry, not yours.
3. “If I leave, my wife takes everything.”
This is another annoying excuse. If Donald Trump, a billionaire, can afford to divorce, who is he? Is that man richer than Trump?
He’s only using the cost of divorce and losing money in alimony as an excuse. I know for sure that if a man wants to do anything, nothing will stop him, even if it’s to live on the Moon. Men are strong-willed and are not easily discouraged.
Instead of using the divorce as an excuse, why doesn’t he tell you the truth? Which is, “I don’t want to leave my wife.”
4. “I don’t even love my wife, it’s you that I love.”
This should even be obvious. So, the man married his wife, and now he tells you that he doesn’t love her, and it is you, the girl he won’t allow to be seen in public with that she loves? Come on!
This is clearly a lie written in all caps.
5. I am not happy in my marriage.
So what? What does his happiness have to do with you? Maybe he is not lying and is unhappily married. But how is it your business?
The problem here is that he’s not telling you the whole truth. Which, in its purest form, would be something like, “Hey, my marriage is not working, and I need to use you as a distraction.” We all know that he would never say anything like that.
Unless you are a therapist, there’s no reason he should be telling you what he’s in happiness in his marriage. That is his business, and he should be damn well capable of handling it.
6. “I am planning to leave my wife.”
This lie has many sisters and cousins and looks like it;
- God willing, I’ll leave my wife next year.
- I’ve been trying to leave my wife to no avail.
- Do you think I want to stay with my wife?
- Eventually, I’m going to leave my wife.
We all know that men are very focused people. If a guy plans to buy a car, give him less than a year, and the man will have a car. Why is leaving his wife taking him so long? That’s because he doesn’t want to. Men do the fuck what they want to do, always.
It doesn’t matter if he even gives you a time frame, after which he should have left his wife. A man can see just about anything to get what he wants. Believe this lie at your own demise.
7. “I would leave my wife if it wasn’t for ABC and D.”
It is even laughable the kinds of excuses married men sometimes give for being stuck in their marriages;
- I would leave my wife if my kids weren’t so young.
- I can’t leave my wife because I have nowhere else to stay.
- He would leave my wife, but his in-laws would die of a heart attack.
- I would leave my wife if it wasn’t for [Insert ridiculous excuse]
The truth of the matter is it if a man indeed wanted to do something, not even hell can stop him. While the excuses may be true, they are all just convenient factors that he uses as a cover.
Nothing, and I repeat nothing, can stop a man from doing what he wants. All those reasons that he’s giving excuses are just excuses. Don’t fall for it.
8. “I love you.”
The likes of;
- I care for you
- If things were different, I totally pick you
Love is one of the most misused words in the dictionary. Love is selfless, love is not self-seeking, and love cares.
There is nothing selfless or caring or even pure about an affair. Because as a mistress, there’s nothing in it for you and everything in it for the man. It is a classic one-sided arrangement.
If he indeed loved you, he wouldn’t put you in between such a chaotic, tormenting, and frustrating situation.
The fact that he’s even able to sleep knowing that the man expects you to be there for him when he knows he can never be there for you is proof that you mean next to nothing to him.
How do you know that a married man is lying to you?
Unfortunately, there is no 100% sure way to tell whether a man is being honest or not. Your best bet is to look for signs that he could be lying.
You don’t have to be a human lie detector to know whether a man is lying to you. Don’t worry about how you will catch a lying man because I have put together a list of signs that a married man could be lying. Read on to find out what they are.
Before we can start, I need to put this out there; your instincts for smelling liars are strong. The only problem is that your consciousness sometimes modifies this truth, depending on how you feel about the liar. If you want to catch a liar, you need to trust your instincts.
You also need to realize that you need to know how they normally act to know if a person is lying. Some indicator signs could be the person’s character, so you must know how they normally act to rule those out.
8 tell-tale signs that he is lying
1. Breathing changes
When we lie, we are doing something contrary to what we’re programmed to do. It is typical for a liar to experience changes in breathing and breathing patterns.
The liar may take deeper breaths than normal or sound breathless. A difference in the breathing pattern could be indicative of a lie.
Pay attention to the married man’s breathing pattern if you want to know whether he is lying.
2. The liar may become still and stiff.
When trying to fool people, a liar may try so hard to look normal. In trying so hard to look like nothing’s wrong, the lair may come off as still or awkwardly stiff.
Naturally, when we speak the truth, we make slight body movements. When someone is lying, they may become still.
The liar is conscious that they’re lying to make you convinced the lair compensates by trying to appear normal. It is in a bid to appear normal that is why a liar unknowingly looks ridiculous and fidgety.
A person’s posture when they talk can communicate whatever you’re telling the truth or a lie. Look out for any stiffness or tension; it could indicate the man is lying.
3. A liar often repeats words and phrases.
When the liar is speaking, the thing about lying is trying to convince both you and themselves about what they’re talking about. If a liar is not convinced about what he is saying, it is going to show.
Subconsciously as the liar repeats, he hopes that repeating the word or phrase over and over in his mind appears true.
If the married man keeps repeating certain phrases is most probably lying. Unless a guy stammers, I don’t see why he repeats words and phrases if he isn’t lying.
4. The liar might be tempted to give too much information.
In a liar’s mind, he knows that it will leave gaps in the story by giving you precise information. He is also aware that if you ask questions to fill those gaps since he is lying, the versions of the lie will keep changing.
His best short is to bombard you with so much information so that you have no question about it. That’s the reason Liars normally tend to give too much information about a very small issue.
Suppose you asked a man, for instance, where he was the previous weekend and his response. In that case, he includes where he was seated, at what time, and many other precise details, he is lying.
No human being remembers that much detail unless he’s making it up. We remember the important things with other important things, where he was seated or what time he sat there is inconsequential to what he was doing, so he is lying.
5. They may touch or cover their mouths.
As mentioned above, we are programmed to tell the truth. Maybe as a response to prevent the liar from lying, he may instinctively touch his mouth, or around his mouth, it is as if his hands are trying to prevent the lie from coming out.
So maybe the reason he keeps touching his lips when he’s talking could be because he’s lying.
6. Covering vulnerable parts of the body
Lying makes the lair feel exposed and naked instinctively. The liar will cover vulnerable parts of the body as a response to lying.
Suppose a liar covers their face, neck, chest, or abdomen, some of the body’s most vulnerable parts. In that case, it’s indicative that they are lying.
7. The lair changes typical patterns of eye movement.
They say that the eyes are the “windows to the soul.” That’s especially true if you want to see whether someone is lying. The thing here is to be sure you know the typical eye movements for that person.
Some people tend to look up when they’re remembering and look down when they’re lying. It may be that the man is bashful and is always looking on the floor while they talk. In this case, they may not be lying.
The key to correctly interpreting eye patterns and movements is to see whether there is a change in the norm, indicating that they could be lying.
However, there is one universal eye movement that you can trust. People who are lying look toward the door, their unconscious escape route.
He lied to me about leaving his wife.
This lie may be as old as time, but it still gets some people, which perturbs me. The truth is that MEN NEVER LEAVE THEIR WIVES, but in the slightest chance that he did, you will have a 75% divorce rate with him. So tell me, is it even worth it?
I understand if you want to sleep with a married man, heck I even get it if the only men you want to date are married men. What I don’t understand is why you want this man to leave his wife. Have you not heard about Karma?
You can have all the fun you want and do whatever you please. Just don’t fall for the married man. That is the Only Rule you must live by in the Mistresses Playbook. Falling in love with a married man is the cause of all this chaos.
Save yourself and everyone involved, don’t fall in love with him. It doesn’t matter what he said; he lied. He doesn’t love you because if he did, you would have left his wife a long, long time ago. You deserve better; you deserve someone who will love you as much as you love them.
Men lie to their mistresses all the time. First, to get them to even allow them to sleep with them and maintain the relationship. You can’t expect honesty from a relationship that is built on a foundation of lies.
As expected, he lied to you about leaving his wife, and no, he won’t regret it. The best thing you can do is save yourself from any further damage from the torment by leaving the married man, never to return.
What to do when a married man lies to you
All of us lie; it is human nature. We can’t help it. Some people, though, lie more than others. However small a lie is, remember a lie begets a lie and so forth.
A lying man may not necessarily be a bad man. You may be conflicted about what to do because you may not want to leave him since he’s nothing but a liar. You may even already be in love with him.
How do you cope with a married man lying to you? What do you do in that case?
The 3 step-by-step approach to deal with a married man lying to you
1.Analyze your reaction to the truth; it could be discouraging him from telling the truth
1, Let him know that his lies are painful to you.
Sometimes men lie to protect you from the truth. If you let him know that he is hurting you by lying, he may stop
2. Confront him the next time he lies
Sometimes men lie because they think they can get away with it. If you confront him for lying, he may realize that he can’t get away with lying to you. Because you will catch him.
3. Walk away. The man is never going to change.
At this stage, you need to realize with a pathological liar if he couldn’t heed your confrontation nor the information that he is hurting you by lying.
Walk away. You don’t need such toxicity in your life.
After realizing that a married man has lied to you, you may decide to leave him for good. I know it’s going to be very challenging, so I have put together a step-by-step guide to take you through the entire process of leaving a married man for good.
You owe it to yourself to be happy, and this is your key to happiness, walking away from an unsatisfying and demeaning relationship.
How to leave a married man for good
Leaving something that brought you so much joy even though it also made you cry like an affair is never easy. I understand why you may be pinning and postponing the break-up with your married lover.
Here is a step-by-step guide on how to leave a married man for good whenever you are ready.
1. Measure the Pain
Measuring the pain that the affair has caused you is all the motivation that you may need to leave him. Get a piece of paper a pen and write down and on side write every good thing that you feel you got from this relationship, the sex, gifts, you name it.
On the other side, write everything that has caused you to pain from the affair. Maybe it’s because you have to sneak around to be with the man or the time you cried.
After all, he left you sick to go and get diamond earrings for his wife. Whatever it is that hurts you, this is the time to write and think about it.
Most often than not, the bad always outweighs the good. The affair is not made for you, The Other Woman, it is meant to satisfy the married man’s needs.
2. List Alternative and Healthy Sources to get those Perks
Obviously, the affair wasn’t all bad; otherwise, it wouldn’t be so hard to let go. Right now, you need to find alternatives for all the good things you’ve been getting from the relationship. Let’s face it; the affair had to end one way or the other.
Maybe in the emotional satisfaction you were getting from the attention of a married man or steamy sex. There is nothing that you can get from an affair that a normal relationship wouldn’t give you.
It will be easier for you to let go when you have a back-up plan to get all the great things you’ve used to get.
3. Involve your Friends
The chances are that none of your friends or family knew that you were being a homewrecker. It is easier for you to move on when you have an unaccountability system, and you’re going to need your friends now more than ever.
It would be wise to tell one or two of your trusted friends.
4. Draft a Good-bye message
One of the hardest things about letting go of a relationship he’s what to say. It helps if you draft the goodbye message ahead of time.
This way, you will know what to say and what not to say. It also gives you the advantage of modifying the message to be as firm but as kind as possible.
5. Deliver the message
The best way to deliver break-up messages in person but sometimes due to many circumstances is that maybe the married man is out of town, or you don’t trust yourself to break up with him face-to-face. You can send the message.
6. Get closure
Leaving a married man for good is like a break-up, so you need to treat it as such. You must try your best to get closure so that you can begin the process of healing.
Dating a married man is emotionally damaging for anyone. In the process, you may have had to deal with so many emotions and torture, so you particularly need to get closure; otherwise, you may never move on.
You may want to have a closure ceremony where you burn everything that reminds me of the man, or you could choose to write a letter filled with every negative emotion, then burn it.
The bottom line is to find a way to get closure; whichever way works for you is imperative as you get closer.
7. Start fresh
Starting over after break-up is not easy; how much more after an affair? You need to be very patient and kind to yourself and take all the time you need to heal.
Remember to take it one step at a time but, above all, choose yourself at every stage.
Signs married man used me.
The thing is, you can’t win as a mistress. The man takes it all. You have to work around his time, and he can’t be there for you when you need him, but you have to be there for him at the snap of his finger.
The affair is never pretty for The Other Woman, and it doesn’t matter what the married man tells you there is nothing in it for you.
If you are dating a married man, don’t be convinced by anything he promises because the truth is the affair doesn’t benefit you in any way. As a matter of fact, it takes from you.
How do you know if a married man is using you? What are the signs that a married man used you? Listed below are some of the most Dependable signs that a married man used you
- He lied to you
- He manipulated you
- You got nothing but sex from the affair
- He used money or his position as bait to get to you
A married man loves his lover no more than he loves his favorite toy. I know it sounds harsh, but the truth is if the man loved you, if he indeed truly loved you, he would have divorced his wife the moment he started seeing you.
The fact that he hasn’t is proof that he doesn’t love you. Forget what he tells you, what does he do? Remember, actions speak louder than words; believe his actions, not his words.
It is improbable that a married man would love his lover. I’m not saying it is impossible, but the odds are stacked up against you in this situation.
I don’t judge you for dating a married man. I know that only a handful of women intentionally set out to date a married man; however, some of the women dating married men were entrapped by themen’s lies.
You see, no affair is 100% emotion proof. Somewhere along the way, you’re bound to catch feelings more than man.
Now the thing with love is that love is like energy; you cannot destroy it. Once you love someone, the chances are that you’re going to love them forever. Your best shot in this situation is to love him from a distance
Loving someone you are never going to have is agonizing. For your sanity’s sake, you need to actively remove yourself from the madness of being involved with a married man.
By loving him from a distance, I mean that after realizing that you may never stop loving him, don’t let it keep with him. I am not asking you to do something that you can’t do; I know that you can never stop loving him, but you do not have to stay with you.
A married man lying to his wife about you, the mistress, will not waste a second to lie to you. It is just the way it is.
Your relationship is based on a lie, so expect it to be filled with lies here and there.
Mama Nkima is a marriage counselor and relationship expert who has dedicated her life to helping couples build strong, healthy relationships. She has academic degrees in Education and Psychology. She has over 40 years of experience helping couples and individuals work through their relationship issues.
She draws on her own experiences as a spiritual guide but also from years of research to offer readers practical, actionable advice.