How can you tell if a married man is unhappy in his marriage?
- Why don’t many married men leave their marriages even when they’re unhappy?
- What can a man do if he’s frustrated in his marriage?
Marriage is not a bed of roses. However, some marriages seem to be plagued by depression after depression. As a result, some men feel that their marriages are like a warzone.
Not long ago, a friend of mine told me that his home felt like a courtroom each time he reached home after 7 pm. He looked visibly pained when he spoke of his marriage. James had been with Marion for about 15 years; he wasn’t willing to throw all that away just because his wife was quarrelsome.
There are so many men like James, who are in very unpleasant marriages, but cannot leave because of ABCD reasons.
Maybe you are the man in an unhappy marriage or the wife of an unhappy married man, or the girlfriend to an unhappily married man.
Whatever your category, I have something for you. Read on to discover the answers to all your questions about the unhappiness of a married man
What makes a married man unhappy in his marriage?
- What are the signs that a married man is in an unhappy marriage?
- Why would a married man be unhappy in a marriage he chose for himself?
- What should a married man in an unhappy marriage do?
- Why can’t a married man leave his marriage?
Let’s start at the very beginning… What is the cause of a married man’s unhappiness?
What makes a married man unhappy in his marriage
The reasons why a married man would be unhappy in his marriage are personal and as numerous as there are unhappily married men.
You see, every married man that isn’t happy with his marriage has his reason. No two marriages are the same; therefore, these reasons are bound to be different for each marriage.
However, generally speaking, these reasons and factors listed below can be blamed for a man’s chronic unhappiness in his marriage. The most common reasons that unhappy men report include;
There is no doubt infidelity is excruciatingly painful to both partners but more so to the faithful partner. If the man is the victim of the affair, he’s going to be heartbroken and devastated.
Even though affairs hurt women, they may be even more painful for a man because an affair is a direct attack on a man’s ego. It means that the married man has failed his wife so badly that she had to get it from another man.
That is the stuff that stings a man’s ego. In addition to the pain of betrayal from the infidelity, a married man whose wife has cheated on him will be dealing with a bruised ego. Now there’s no way such a man can be happy again in a marriage like that.
Even if posts were switched and the married man was philandering when his wife’s learning of the affair will still hurt him and even leave him feeling ashamed.
The impact of infidelity in a marriage is often irreparable and usually lasting negative impacts on both partners and causing unhappy married men.
Everyone is so vocal about violence against women. Still, people tend to be deaf by the dumb silence when it comes to violence against men.
Whether it is the impact of Society that dictates that men ought to be hard and strong, we have for a long time ignored the impact of violence on men. and that’s the problem many men suffer in silence from the negative impact gun violence ranging from physical to emotional and even sexual.
With time like any abuse victim, these men resent their wives or worse, resent themselves. There’s no way in hell a man with all this negativity locked in his heart can be happy in a marriage that causes him pain.
Violence against men is, therefore, a contributor to many married men’s unhappiness. The fact that we turn a deaf ear to the cries of these doesn’t help the situation.
3. Passive-aggressive behavior from their spouse
Wild men are more aggressive than women; women tend to be provocative and sometimes passive-aggressive by bickering and spreading rumors.
Because passive aggression is indirect, the man feels hurt, but he can’t blame the woman.
The man is aware that there is a problem that quite can’t say where the problem is coming from, so he has to walk on eggshells with his wife.
Passive-aggressive behavior could be just as harmful as physical aggression. Where is the happiness in this picture, I’d say, nonexistent.
4. Drug/Alcohol Abuse
Drug and alcohol abuse substance abuse can be damaging to any marriage. People often do crazy things under the influence of drugs, but even dealing with a substance addict spouse can be physically and even emotionally draining for anyone.
Spouses of addicts go through a special kind of trauma, which is sadly under-addressed. Being married to an addicted spouse means that even though you are married, you still get to do most of the child-raising financial development by yourself.
You can’t trust an addicted spouse to help you in raising the kids or even for support. As a result, people married to addicts tend to be emotionally and financially stressed. Obviously, a man in such a marriage will never be happy.
Now that you know the reasons as to why a married man could be unhappy in his marriage, how do you spot one? Is there a way that you can know that a man is unhappily married? How can you tell for sure that a man is unhappy in his marriage?
How can you tell if a married man is unhappy?
The foolproof way to be sure that you will make a married man leave his wife is if his marriage is so unhappy that it is as good as over. You may be wondering about how you can spot an unhappy married man; that’s what I’m here for; I’ll let you in on a secret.
If you can master the technique of sniffing out the happy men, then you’ll have an easy ride since an unhappily married man is easy to seduce.
Ideally, an unhappily married man should be easy to smell from a mile away because his aura screams, ‘come save me.’
I know that only a few people can see auras, so don’t worry about how you will be able to smell a married man from a mile away; I got you. Listed below are tried and true signs that a married man is unhappy in his marriage.
1. The married man jokes about leaving his wife.
Believe what you want to believe, but there’s always a bit of truth behind a joke. So, you know those times when a guy says something and then is like ‘just kidding,’ he’s never just kidding.
During my internship, I meant a policeman who used to joke about setting himself on fire. Obviously, I thought it was just being ridiculous until he set himself ablaze 2 months later. So, jokes shouldn’t be taken at face value; there is always an element of truth in the joke.
If a married man joked about leaving his wife, then in all honesty, if he could have things his way, he would leave her.
2. The married man is boasting he boasts about everything but his wife.
Guys like to boast about the things they love. If he never boasts about his wife, the chances are that he has fallen out of love with her.
Maybe all he talks about is all the money he has made or the beautiful children he raised. Generally, it is always going to always be everything but his wife.
If this is the case, then the married man you are dealing with has unresolved problems with his wife and some built-up resentment towards her.
3. The married man begins to give excuses not to be home with his wife.
Naturally, when everything is going well, a man wouldn’t waste a second to be with a woman he loves.
If the married man you are dealing with is always coming up with excuses to spend time away from his wife, he probably has problems at home.
Growing up, one of my father’s friends, Smith, would spend hours at my father’s workshop just because he couldn’t stand going home to be with his wife.
For a long time, some people even thought that he worked for my father because he was always in the back dusting old sculptures. Whenever he got drunk, Smith used to say that he’s willing to give his arm if you are guaranteed to never see his wife again.
Gladly he is now Happily Divorced; he didn’t have to lose an arm for it. I know Smith is not the only man who has felt that way before. If you see a married man acting similarly, there is trouble in paradise.
4. The married man starts advising young unmarried men not to think about marriage.
You know for sure the married man is in pain if he keeps advising younger unmarried men not to make the same mistake.
A man who says such a thing admits that he feels he made a mistake when he married his wife. If he didn’t feel like it was a mistake, why would he tell others that it’s a mistake for them to ever get married?
In reality, such a man is not even upset that he’s married but rather the woman he married. He’s only projecting his angry feelings for his wife when his marriage.
The fact that a married man I would say such a thing is proof enough, but he’s unhappy in his marriage.
2. The married man complains about his wife to you.
One of my favorite sayings is that out of the fullness of the heart, the mouth speaks. If all the man has to say about his wife is complaining about this, he sounds like a very disappointed man in his wife.
When you complain about something, usually the words you say are raw with emotion and indicate what you truly feel about that thing.
So pay attention to the kind of words that he uses while complaining about his wife. They are a true picture of what he feels for her.
Obviously, when people complain, they have nothing but unkind words to say. A married man who complains about his wife is usually very disappointed, angry or unhappy with her.
3. The married man is contemplating divorce.
Men avoid divorce like the plague. A married man who is contemplating divorce is most often very unhappy.
If he’s willing to go through the pain of divorce, I can’t even imagine how terrible his marriage must be making him feel.
4. The married man just picked up an addiction.
Happy people deal with stressful situations in healthy ways. They may seek professional help or consider joining a support group. Generally, the mode of action is to do with a problem the most logical and healthiest way.
On the other hand, unhappy people normally don’t deal as easily as healthy people, maybe because they’re already dealing with sadness, I don’t know. Still, they tend to use unhealthy means like addiction to drug use to cope.
Suppose a previously healthy married man just picked up an addiction. In that case, it is an indication that he is currently undergoing a stressful and emotionally chaotic situation in his marriage and this stress.
Most often, the note is dealing with resentment and other negative emotions arising from his marriage.
Frustrated in marriage
Marriage life is hard and frustrating. Whether it is because you have to live with this person raised differently from you or because of the familiarity of staying together, I guess we will never know.
It is normal to be frustrated in marriage. If you catch yourself a little perturbed and exasperated by your marriage, don’t beat yourself up; realize that it is normal.
You can deal with frustration in marriage by trying the following:
- Listening to your partner
- Being empathetic
- Agreeing to disagree
- Settling for a compromise.
However, if you feel that your marriage frustrations are too heavy to handle, get a divorce. Marriage is meant to be enjoyed and not endured.
Unhappy marriage but can’t leave.
Whether you’re afraid to leave your unhappy marriage or because of unavoidable circumstances, you cannot leave, the only option you have is to work on your falling apart marriage while skillfully avoiding divorce.
Just because you’re married is unhappy doesn’t mean that he should get up one morning and throw in the towel and leave. There are so many couples who stay together even when their marriage is falling apart.
The most common reasons why married men can’t leave an unhappy marriage include;
- The couple chooses to stay together for the kids
- The couple doesn’t want to part with money
- The prospect of divorce feels shameful and embarrassing.
- The couple doesn’t want a lesser lifestyle or loss of home
- The couple is overwhelmed by the divorce process
- Low self-esteem breeds a fear that the person will never be loved again.
What to do when you’re in an unhappy marriage but can’t leave.
1. Avoid further damage to marriage
Sometimes couples jeopardize their marriages by making matters worse. It is bad enough that the marriage is unhappy. Adding other damaging issues could break down whatever remains of your unhappy marriage.
The damaging issues to avoid include;
- Begging, pleading, and victimizing (especially when you are in public). This makes your partner feel trapped because they will be bothered about protecting your image.
- Emotional blackmailing for controlling your spouse.
- Blaming and accusing your spouse.
- Bad mouthing your spouse.
2. Try to manage your negative feelings.
Negative feelings like disappointment, miscommunication, or resentment should be managed and dealt with if you are trying to save an unhappy marriage because you can’t leave.
Negative feelings are the precursor of negative actions. So, if you can control negative feelings, then you are assured of controlling negative actions.
3. Deal with one issue at a time
I know that every marriage has more than one issue that is causing unhappiness. But the truth is you can’t deal with all negative things in your marriage at once; you are setting yourself up for failure.
Work on one issue at the time, fix it before you can go to the next. That is the only way you’ll be able to work through every defect in your marriage.
Unhappy husband signs
Marriage is tough for everyone, but how do you know that the man you married is unhappy? Is there a formula or step-by-step approach to unveiling whether your husband is indeed unhappy?
Look no further; here is a list of signs that your husband isn’t happy in your marriage.
1. Your sex life dwindles.
A healthy sex life indicates a happy marriage; when your marriage suffers, your sex life suffers as well.
The two go hand-in-hand with each other. So if your sex life is dwindling, it means that your spouse is unhappy.
2..Your husband feels inadequate like he can’t make you happy anymore.
If your husband has been hinting on how he feels that there is nothing that he can do that is enough for you, it is a clear indication of his frustration for feeling inadequate.
When a man feels inadequate, he’s definitely going to be very unhappy.
3. Your husband no longer puts up a fight.
This may sound like a good thing when a man stops fighting, it means that he has given up. Every marriage has fights and disagreements once in a while.
If you feel like lately, your husband has been unbothered about anything, then that means that he has already moved on from you and the marriage in his mind. You’re practically in the marriage alone.
3. Either your husband stops taking care of himself, or he starts taking care of himself.
People react differently to the same thing. While one man may decide to quit and stop taking care of himself, another man may do quite the opposite and start taking care of himself.
The key here is that the change in your mind is not ordinary. If your husband is usually an untidy man and all of a sudden cleaning up, that’s a red flag.
Likewise, if you’re normally tidy and organized and your husband won’t get out of his sweatpants, there’s still a problem.
My husband is miserable in our marriage.
Suppose your husband is miserable in your marriage. In that case, you may be wondering whether it is something that you are doing or not doing. Sometimes, a man’s mood has nothing to do with what to do or do not do.
The common reasons white a man may be miserable in marriage could be any of the following or unique and personal to him;
- Financial challenges
- Lack of intimacy
- He feels unappreciated by you or at his work
- Midlife Crisis
What do you do when your husband is miserable in your marriage?
- Accept that you can’t make your husband happy.
- Avoid telling your husband why he’s unhappy, for example, “If you didn’t work so hard, you wouldn’t be feeling exploited.”
- Give your husband space.
- Find the balance between distance and support.
Sometimes holding on hurts more than letting go. When do you know that it is time to let your marriage go? How do you know if your marriage is failing and there’s nothing you can do to save it?
Here’s a list of sure signs that a marriage is failing
-You fight too much or not at all
-You feel like two strangers coexisting
-Your sex life declines
-You become cold to each other
-You know that your marriage is beyond repair
I know that it may beat your understanding of why a man would stay in an unhappy marriage. Marriage is complicated but ending a marriage is harder.
There are numerous reasons why a married man would stay stuck in a marriage when he is unhappy.
Here is a list of the most common reasons why married men stay in unhappy marriages.
-For the sake of the children
-Divorce is messy
-He is afraid to start over
We all deserve to be happy, even the worst of us. What do you do when you are not happy in your marriage? What are the options for someone unhappy in their marriage?
Here is a list of the most logical courses of action when you are not happy in your marriage.
-Try to fix the issues causing your unhappiness.
Men are good at hiding their feelings. It is normal to be confused about whether a man is happy in his marriage. With the signs mentioned above, you will be able to crack even the most difficult of men.
Lead spell caster at Nkima Spells. College graduate who ended up a witch doctor from the Samalagwe.