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It is of rare occurrence that a married man leaves his wife for the mistress. The majority of men have affairs; however, they never take the step further to leave their wives. There must have been an irreparable breakdown in his marriage for a man to leave his wife for you.
Do men leave their wives for another woman?
As a matter of fact, yes. Men do sometimes leave their wives. However, only 5% of the men who leave their wives go for the mistress. That’s a small percentage considering that when most married men approach their potential girlfriends, they do so under the guise that they will leave their wives for them. In reality, that is not the case.
Why do married men never leave their wives? This question must be as old as time. As many have tried to explain this phenomenon, one thing is apparent, men want to have their cake and eat it too.
Philanderers do not necessarily want a breakup because they are looking for a lover. Those who chose to go outside their marriage do so out of selfish needs or for some adventure.
3 reasons men stay with their wives despite their philandering ways.
1. He already has it all.
When you think about it. Why would a man leave the woman who’s giving him mind blowing sex whenever he needs it and right after return to his homely wife and perfect family? He is already living the dream.
He has two women, each of whom satisfies a particular need. In the end, he has the best of both worlds. So why would he want to ruin that balance by leaving either one?
2. He loves his wife.
Every married man loves his wife, which is why he married her! Despite their challenges, he will still go back home to her. He loves her so much to sacrifice her at the altar of the mistress.
True, the wife may not all be that. In fact, she may fall short in many areas as a wife; sadly, he loves her for you. And no amount of mind-blowing sex could ever change that.(related:Why a man having an affair won’t leave his wife?)
3 He values his children.
Despite their double-dealing ways, the majority of men love their children so dearly. They are willing to stay in a loveless and unsatisfying marriage to give their children a stable family.
Whether or not he is getting along with his wife is secondary; his children’s happiness comes first and takes precedence above you, his wife, and even him.
Men don’t cheat to leave their wives. To men, an affair is simply a sexual arrangement where two adults benefit from neither attachment nor commitment involved.
Why would a man leave his wife for another woman?
Only 5% of married men leave their wives to be with the other woman. However small the percentage is, it cannot be ignored. The fact remains that some men do leave their wives for the other woman irrespective of the associated consequences.
Why would a man leave his wife for another woman even with imminent consequences like divorce?
1.He settled early.
Marrying at 17 is a hella cute, but hey, is he sure about settling that early? Marriage is a lifetime commitment, and there is no point in arriving early to a party that’s never going to end.
It would be sad to meet the girl who is the center of his universe when he already tied the knot.
Sadly, many marriages end because either one or both the partners settled too early only to meet “the one” later. Even if it were you, would you stay married if you just discovered a soulmate later on? I wouldn’t
2. The mistress is all that, and wifey isn’t.
The grass looks greener on the other side, so they say, but sometimes, it really is greener. At times the mistress is all that; she is beautiful, kind, confident, and maybe even more homely than the wife.
Men are always looking for the next best thing; we need to agree that if he finds better outside his marriage, he is pursuing it and it won’t be hard for the man to leave his wife.
3. Midlife crisis.
One of the midlife crisis characteristics is that it is a time when many men make rash decisions. I don’t know whether it’s the identity crisis or the second adolescence. Men mess up a lot during the midlife crisis.
On the other hand, around the same time, if the man married an age-mate, his wife is hitting menopause. How is menopause and midlife crisis supposed to co-exist? Obviously, there is no chance for that to work.
4. He feels undervalued and unappreciated.
“A man’s genetic language is respect” I can’t count how often I had that phrase, and quite frankly, it’s true. Men feel emasculated when their women disrespect and undervalue them.
Woe into that marriage if the man finds a loving and adoring girl out there. He will and will waste no time in replacing the disrespectful and hard to please wife of his.
5. He believes his marriage is beyond repair.
Honestly, some marriages are dry bones. There is no life left in their marriage. It would take a miracle to mend it.
Many men in such marriages know that they would be fighting a losing battle if they decide to fight the marriage. Why not save the energy and time for a fair and new relationship?
6. He has nothing in common with his wife anymore.
Have they often had men lamenting that their wives have changed and no longer the sweet girls they married? Every day, right? Change is the only constant in life; sadly, with time, the wife becomes complacent and careless about their men and their hobbies.
During the honeymoon period, she didn’t mind going bowling or sitting through that poetry recital; later on, she would kill him for mentioning those words. The sad truth is that we change at different rates; even if she enjoyed bowling, she might have simply outgrown it faster than her husband.
When couples don’t have much in common anymore, their marriage is heading for the rocks, faster if any of the partners finds a new person they like better.
7. The sex is dead or at least on a deathbed.
Married people have sex about once a week, 51 times a year precisely. The average amount of sex a man needs is about a few times a week. I hope you see the discrepancy.
Over time, a man can only take so much sex deprivation. It won’t be long before he finds a substitute for those nights his wife is wearing the “Don’t touch me” face.
Men leave their wives all the time; it isn’t news. However, when a man leaves his wife for another woman, people ask one of two questions; “What is wrong with the wife?” or “Is the mistress all that special that he threw it all away for her?”.
He left his wife for me.
When your man leaves his wife for you, it can be an array of emotions. Part of you is excited; your ego is well on the cloud on nine. Another part knows that your joy may not last for long.
There are so many questions that run in your mind at that moment. For instance;
- Will our relationship last?
- Will he be faithful to me?
- Will he regret leaving his wife?
- What do I do next?
Relax, take a chill pill, I got you.
Sadly, the odds are not in your favor. Chances are that your boyfriend will be unfaithful to you are three times higher than in his first marriage. You know the old proverb, “Once a cheater always a cheater” it does carry some truth.
If a man leaves his wife for you, he would probably leave you for someone else; take Miranda Lambert, for instance. The famous Blake Shelton left his then-wife Kanyette Williams for Miranda Lambert in 2005, then divorced Williams in 2006. As fate may have it, he left Miranda Lambert after he met Gwen Stefani in 2015.
Good news, though, just because he regrets leaving his wife doesn’t mean he will leave you and return to her. There are a ton of stories out there of mistresses who won the man over and are now the Mrs. Here are my favorite ones;
Miranda Lambert and Blake Shelton
Country singers Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert hooked up in 2005 after performing together at the CMT Awards. Shelton fell for Lambert while still married to Kanyette Williams. Shelton, later on, divorced Williams in 2006. Shelton went on to marry Lambert in 2011.
Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton
Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton were affectionate before she had broken up with her ex-boyfriend Gavin. Shelton was still married to Miranda Lambert at the same time. From “friends” to lovers, they two came out officially an item in 2015 and have been a thing since. They look so good together.
Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles
Both were married to other people from the day they first met at a polo match in 1970. Talk about love at first sight for Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles. They both left significant others, most notable of the two being Charles’ divorce from the late and beloved Princess Diana.
Gabrielle Union and Dwayne Wade
The NBA baller was alleged to have still been married to his ex-wife Siohvaughn. Later Siohvaughn filed a lawsuit against Union for damages to her marriage. The suit didn’t yield much; in 2014, Union and Wade got hitched.
Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony
This list wouldn’t be complete without the beautiful Jennifer Lopez and her husband. Their affair is said to have begun while he was still married to ex-wife Dayanara Torres, whom he divorced Lopez, and married JLo in 2004.
The list is endless. So, instead of wasting time worrying because your married boyfriend left his wife for you. Make merry because you have just made it to the exclusive club, from the other woman to the only woman club.
He left his wife for me, and we are happy.
Why would anyone stay in a loveless marriage? Love is meant to be a paradise and not a warzone. It takes bravery of the highest order for a man to leave a dead-end marriage given societal stigma and prejudice associated with divorce. No wonder when the man leaves his wife for you, you and him both are happy.
Ways to find happiness after he left his wife for you?
1. Remember, you don’t always choose who you love.
You are not going to kill yourself simply because you fell in love with a married man. Love chooses us; we rarely pick whom we fall for. Thank your stars that he loves you enough to choose you over his wife and life in general.
2. Bury the guilt.
I know our society likes to label you home-wrecker or man-snatcher, you can’t wreck a home that wasn’t already broken, and neither can you snatch a man who doesn’t want to be taken!
Please don’t blame yourself.
3. Build your love story, one day at a time.
Now that you have the man, you need to work on your relationship diligently, one day at a time, no pressure. You have no idea how many people want you to fail.
4. Worrying won’t change a thing.
I know what they say “If he cheated with you on someone, he would cheat on you with another” blah, blah, blah… You see, what’s been done has been done; you can’t change the situation in which you met your man. So instead of worrying about what could be, how about you enjoy the today that you have. In any case, what will worrying change? Nothing!
Do men who leave their wives and families regret it?
When a man leaves his wife does he really regret it? Leaving his children behind,all the pain he caused you?
Like love, regret is a complex emotion. It’s not black and black white; it’s more like 50 shades of grey.
Most often than not, your ex-husband will regret his decision to leave his wife and family. This, however, doesn’t mean that he wants to return to you. He may realize that the grass is not greener on the other side. Especially when his new relationship isn’t going as he had hoped it would, but he may feel that it is late to mend any bridges between him and his ex-wife.
Even when he is happy with his decision, he may have regrets. Having moved on with his mistress and already enjoying his new life with her doesn’t mean he has no hesitations about the situation.
- He may regret how things ended and how he handled the separation.
- He may regret the pain he caused you because he isn’t a monster.
- He may regret being the father that left his beloved children.
- He feels some regret for leaving someone he once loved.
Regret itself is not reason enough for him to come back to you.
We don’t really know the future. It freaks us. Your ex-husband may worry that he left his predestined soulmate and end with you when he left. That feeling alone is enough to make someone feel some regret.
How long before the husband regrets leaving?
Regret is very common after a man leaves his wife. After how long he regrets leaving his wife is relative and dependent on many factors;
1. Whether he loved her.
If a man loved his wife, it doesn’t matter how bad the marriage ended; he will always think of her fondly. The good old times they shared will be in his memory. He is therefore bound to regret leaving sooner than if he really didn’t love her.
2. Why he left.
The reason the man leaves his wife gives him the courage and impetuousness to make the decision to leave. If it was that bad, he isn’t going to regret it anytime soon.In my “5 common reasons why men leave their wives” i talk about some of the reasons men leave their wives.
3. Whether children were in the picture or not.
Children are angels, aren’t they? If he had children in his marriage, he is bound to feel some regret sooner than later.
4. Whether he moved on with someone new or not.
If someone is warming his bed at night, chances are he will take longer to regret his decision sooner.
Statistics show that men regret leaving their wives along the way. However, that doesn’t mean that men would return. In fact, only 6% of them ever reunite with their ex-spouses. On a good note, though, 72 % of the couples who remarried stayed together.
Therefore, not all hope is lost.
Signs ex-husband regrets divorce.
Most often than not, ex-wives will have questions like, “Does he regret leaving me?” or “Does he feel bad for hurting me?”. Many times ex-husbands regret divorce because so much is lost during a divorce. Marriage, children, money, and need I mention his life.
1. He unfollowed/unfriended you.
When he unfollows you, it’s because he is dealing with uncomfortable emotions like regret or jealousy. Seeing your posts only aggravates him.
2. Being Quick To Anger.
When he becomes short-fused and quickly gets furious and irritated by even the smallest things, he deals with unresolved emotions towards you. Chances are it is envy or regret.
3. Your ex wants to hang out with you all the time.
When he is trying to be closer to you, it is because he is probably trying to make up for the time that was lost when he had left you. If this isn’t regret, I wonder what else it is.
4. Your ex can’t stop asking about you.
If he can’t seem to stop asking about you, your health, finances, happiness, and even love life. It is a sure sign that his curiosity is because he regrets his decision to leave you.
5. Your ex is suddenly incredibly sweet to you.
If your ex used to be a distant person and now is all over sudden sweet to you, it’s a sign that he is regretting the decision of leaving you.
6. He or she is talking about positive memories.
This way, he is hoping to remind you of the good old times by bringing positive memories. In a way, he is trying to reconnect with you emotionally. Why else would he bother if he wasn’t regretting leaving you?
7. Your ex is pretending to have everything under control.
More often than not, when people act like everything is under control, its most probably isn’t. After all, he is just acting. He wouldn’t need to pretend if it was real!
Obviously, men don’t like to face reality when they are in the wrong. Leaving his wife isn’t an exception. He will try to act fine even when he is dying inside.
8. Your ex is with someone else but still contacts you every day.
This means that not even the thrill of a new relationship can get you off his mind. Clearly, he is still smitten by you and is sure it hurts him so bad. He definitely regrets leaving you if he is contacting you while he is someone else.
When a man leaves his wife for you, regardless of the circumstance surrounding your relationship, it’s not a time to sulk and worry about whether he might leave the relationship. It’s instead a time to celebrate and enjoy your relationship.
It’s one in a million relationship; you don’t have time to waste on negative energy.
Mama Nkima is a marriage counselor and relationship expert who has dedicated her life to helping couples build strong, healthy relationships. She has academic degrees in Education and Psychology. She has over 40 years of experience helping couples and individuals work through their relationship issues.
She draws on her own experiences as a spiritual guide but also from years of research to offer readers practical, actionable advice.