Why won’t he leave his wife even when he loves me? Can he leave his wife for me? If he could, when?
All these questions show how frustrating being ‘The Other Woman’ can be when you fall for your lover. It is a dangerous affair, and no matter how good of a mistress you are, the chances are that you will never win. You will never get the man.
Even if he decided to leave his wife for you, you might never be 100% happy with this man because you will always be second-guessing and insecure. If he left his wife for you, what guarantee do you have that he won’t leave you for someone else! That’s the Dilemma.
The consensus is that married men never leave their wives. The reasons why they never leave are as numerous and varied as they are philandering men. Every man has a reason why he can’t leave his family.
That men never leave is laughable considering that when married men approach a girl, the first things they say to her are, “I am tired of my marriage,” “I can’t wait to leave my marriage,” or “I can’t stand my wife anymore.”
Which brings us to the age-old question, “If he is so miserable in his marriage, why can’t he leave?” Why stay when he could be with you. After all, it’s you he loves. At least that is what he says.
Why can’t he leave His Wife for you?
Decisions in real life I’m not as black and white as ‘either, or.’ There are numerous grey areas between and other factors that determine a decision, usually latent and in the background.
His willingness to leave is not enough to make him pack up and leave his family; neither is the fact that he loves you. Even though it helps your case if he loves you and is willing to dessert his wife, alone, these will not suffice.
If it was so easy and the married man could leave his wife for you, he would have already left. The only problem is that even though he is willing to dissolve his marriage, he can’t. Why?For more detailed info you might wanna check out my Why he can’t leave his wife for you?
Why can’t he leave his wife for me? (The real reasons why)
1. He is comfortable with his life as it is.
A married man with a mistress already has it all. He has a wife at home for all the wifely things that he could ever need, and he has a girlfriend on the side for all the fun. Why would anyone want to disturb that balance?
Because he likes his life the way it is, he will try to keep both of you. Such a kind of man is living the dream life. He can’t have had the finer things in life and decide to give it all away. Even if it were, you wouldn’t gladly give away the perfect experience for what, fidelity?
2. He is scared of divorce.
Divorce is a scary thing, and many men would avoid it at any cost. Being with you means that he has first to divorce his wife. That’s what he’s avoiding. He can’t be with you and be with her, too; he has to pick one. “How about both?” He thinks to himself, “After all, the more, the merrier.”
Divorced also leaves many men broke, and he is not willing to pay the price. You can’t blame a man for trying to save his assets, can you?
3. He doesn’t want to be labeled the bad guy.
No man wants to be the bad guy. When you walk away from your family, you will be tagged evil by society and your families and friends.
I know it may sound petty, but you would be shocked how many men stay in loveless marriages for fear of being the black sheep.
4. He doesn’t want another guy fathering his children.
No one can ever raise your children more than the parent, and many men know this. They can’t stand the thought of leaving their children only for another man to nurture.
So the man stays married to avoid this reality from ever manifesting.
5. He knows that you are not wife material.
I know it sounds harsh, but it is the truth. Men may act idiotic sometimes, but a man knows which woman to keep as a wife and which one to keep for fun.
The only reason he can’t leave his wife for you is that he knows that you are not the kind of woman he wants to take home at the end of the day.
6. He honors his vows.
Marriage is a lifelong commitment, so the man is bound to feel bad for breaking these vows. He stood before God and man and pledged forever, leaving his wife means that he has failed at this promise.
Because of this, he can’t leave because he feels a sense of responsibility to the people the guy stood before and promised that he would stay with his wife forever. In a way, he’s bound to his wife for eternity.
7. Sad as it might sound, he doesn’t love you.
There’s no way in hell that any man is going to leave his wife and children for you unless he loves you. The chances are that he doesn’t genuinely love you; otherwise, he would have been with you a long time ago.
So you might ask yourself, why does he keep me around then if he doesn’t love me? Men sometimes keep women around for fun; this is an ‘either-or’ situation. You are either the wife or a plaything. There is just no way around it.
8. He truly loves his wife.
Regardless of what is going on, a married man often loves his wife. That is why he married her.
Real love perseveres, fights, and covers a multitude of failures. Irrespective of how bad the wife is, if he loves her, he is never leaving. No matter how gorgeous or perfect you are, a man will never leave the woman he loves for you.
Talking about a married man loving his wife, how do you know that he still loves his wife even when he is with you?
Signs he loves his wife.
1. He called you wife’s name in the heat of the moment
This the definitive test for which woman is on the man’s mind. Some people might argue that it is just a harmless mistake. But if his wife is occupying his mind, she most likely is still in his heart.
You know that you know that you are not the only one by pursuing anything with the man. It doesn’t matter what he says; he still likes his wife a whole lot if he can mix up your names while you are down on him.
2. He attends his wife’s book club meetings without whining
The Other Woman means that you sometimes know about his life and programs even more than his wife.
He willingly attends his wife’s boring activities without complaining even when he doesn’t like them; it’s most probably because he loves her.
Men don’t sit through things they don’t love. If he leaves you alone and cold on Wednesday nights for a book club meeting, you know he has no interest in it because he loves his wife. Her happiness is more important than his comfort.
3. He puts her first, always
Her happiness, wellbeing, security, generally anything that concerns his wife comes first. A man will prioritize the woman closest to his heart.
If a man is getting out of his way to make it abundantly clear that his wife is his priority, it’s because she is.
Maybe he left you lying sick to go and fix his wife’s picture frame. It doesn’t matter why he left; he seems to always put his wife’s needs above yours even though it could be your very life at stake.
If you know he will choose his wife even then, you know you are not his priority, and she is.
4. He told you
If he told you that he loved his wife, it would be a giant sign even if the guy said to you that he loved his wife, believe him. Men rarely joke about things like this to take him for his word when he says he loves his wife.
As mentioned above, if this man still loves his wife, he’s never leaving her for you.
Will he leave his wife statistics?
Statistics show that only 5% of married men leave their wives for the other woman. If he left his wife for you, statistics that your marriage will last and not pretty, marriages that began due to infidelity have a 75 to 90% chance of ending divorce again.
The odds are not in your favor, which supports the adage that married men never leave their wives, but even if they do, he won’t be a pretty life for her.
However, there are some success stories of ex-mistresses who are now the wife, and the marriage is doing well.
Rumor has it that Gwen Stefani was Blake Shelton’s girlfriend while he was still with Miranda Lambert, and guess what not the wife is.
Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, Gabrielle Union and Dwayne, Hailey and Justin Bieber, and so on, there are so many examples of lovers who are now the wives.
How do you tell if he will leave his wife for you?
While you can’t say for sure whether a man will leave his wife for you, some signs could tell you if he might.
Here is a list of signs that he might leave his wife for you.
Signs he will leave his wife for you.
1. He removes his ring when he’s around you.
His wedding band represents him promise to his wife when he removes the ring around you subconsciously in his mind; he is as if I’m making this promise. Sign this is a good sign because removing his wedding band is a pre-calculated move.
If he was thinking about you before seeing it, he might genuinely like you. Also, removing his ring might mean that he cares about your feelings, another good sign that he might leave his wife for you.
2. He prioritizes you.
How do you know that a married man prioritizes you? It is easy; he puts you first sometimes even before important things like his wife and family.
Is he missing or postponing important meetings to be with you? If the married man is, then you might win. The chances that he will leave his wife for you just went to 90.
There is no way a guy who prioritizes you doesn’t love you.
3. He jokes about leaving his wife.
Now I know you may think that is just a joke. But tell me honestly, when has a man ever said ‘just kidding’ and just joking? Never!
Why would a species with a record of joking with jokes be taken seriously for joking? If he is joking about leaving his wife, it is because he wants to. By claiming it is a joke, it is for him to have a safe landing if you dismiss his thought.
4. He shows you off even in public.
Married men go to great lengths to keep their affairs private. You will be lucky as a lover to even meet with his friends, later on, to show you off and in public!
If a married man is shoeing you off, especially in public, is because he is endorsing the idea of the two of you being a couple. When a guy goes public with a confirmation about his affair, it is only a matter of time before leaving his wife.
5. He brought your property.
Nothing screams permanency like buying you a property. It often means that the man is making steps into a future with you when he starts committing to permanent things.
On the other hand, however, he could be avoiding a paper trail of hotel bookings, so, for this sign to hold, his intentions must be pure.
If your relationship with this married man has been entirely physical, watch out;that’s a red flag that is the latter, but if you and the guy have a genuine connection, you just hit the jackpot. It is the former. This means that you might have a real shot at winning the man over his wife.
6. He normally spends the night over.
Every girlfriend of a married man knows that they don’t spend the night. Unless, of course, your married boyfriend told his wife that he is out of town on a business trip.
If he is sleeping over at your place and it almost feels like it is becoming a habit, it is something you should celebrate over.
It means that he might finally leave his wife and move in with you; after all, he is all he is partially leaving with you.
7. He has told you he will love, and he has started working on his divorce.
A married man can be deceitful, telling you that he will his wife is not good enough, unless he has started working on his divorce, do not believe him.
For more detailed information my 10 signs he will leave his wife for you has got your back
Signs he won’t leave his wife
However, sometimes he’s just taking you for a ride on the flip side, and he will never leave his wife. Before you waste your time and emotions, some signs can signal you at the beginning of your relationship that he will never leave his wife.You might also wanna check out more signs on Signs he won’t leave his wife for you.
Here’s a list of signs that he won’t leave his wife.
1. He has made it abundantly clear that he is never leaving. Believe him.
Men lie about many things, but if he tells that he is never leaving his wife, please believe him. When a man labors to tell you that he is sticking with his wife, he is dead serious, so you had better take him seriously about it.
2. You always come last.
When a man puts you last, it because you are not his priority; men value and prioritize the things in his life depending on how he dear they are to him. If he is always putting you last, it is because he doesn’t love you at all.
As aforementioned, there is no way he is leaving his wife and family for you if he doesn’t love you.
3. He only talks to you in the late night.
Regardless of how busy a man is, if he genuinely cares for you, he will find time to talk to you. If all you get are wee calls and late-night Facetime, you are getting the stick’s shorter end.
It means that the man has to wait for his wife and kids to sleep before he can reach out to you. Now, if he only reaches out that late, it is because you don’t mean that much to him.
4. He gets down to business.
When he is with you, he straight away goes to the sex part. He doesn’t care how your day went or how you are doing. He goes straight away to the heart of the matter.
It is not only insensitive but disrespectful all together. Men tend to be a tad bit disrespectful with about whom women that they don’t genuinely care.
If he doesn’t care for you, he will never leave his wife for you; it is that simple.
How do you get a Man to Leave His Wife for You?
Are you in love with a man you can never have? Is there anything you can do to make this man come to you?How do you get him to leave his wife for you?
Falling for an unavailable man could easily be the worst feeling on earth. It is not like you can snap out of love, so I get why you may feel conflicted. No one ever sets out to fall for a married man, but what do you do once you have?
You may feel guilty and even beat yourself up for falling for the guy, but we don’t control who we love, you love who you love, and the heart wants what it wants.
One of the most common feelings of women in love with married men is how to get their lovers to leave their wives for them. If this is your case, look no further; here is a list of ways to make him leave his wife for you.
1. Look good every time that you are with him.
It is a proactive approach to this whole situation. If you like the man from the beginning, this is a strategy that you can employ right from the beginning to increase your chances of winning the man over.
Looking good all the time will make this man idolize you. In his mind, he will always remember you as a goddess; that is the kind of impression and effect you want to have on him.
2. Be supportive of him.
Being supportive of a man makes him feel good around you. Men ultimately choose women who make them feel best.
The better a man feels around you, the more he will love you. As we already established, the man needs to love you if he leaves his wife for you.
3. Be friends with his friends
Now, you don’t have to be one of the guys, but it helps if his friends think highly of you. You see, guys care about the opinion of their friends, so, if his friends like you or at least fond of you, the man may consider starting a life with you.
4. Don’t compare yourself to his wife.
His wife is his wife, and you are you; you can never be her unless you went for plastic surgery, but you won’t be her even then.
I understand why you may be tempted to mirror her. The man you love loves her, do you think that he might love you by being like her?
Men are complicated; he loves you and her at the same time. There are things about you that attracted him to you, so if you try to be like the wife, you will cease to be why he fell for you.
Keep doing you and let the wife be the wife; he will eventually see you with time.
5. Don’t nag him to leave.
While you can ask him to leave his wife after letting him realize that you are no longer interested in the arrangement you have, you shouldn’t nag him about it.
Nagging men makes them want to coil and run away from you, so please don’t irritate him about leaving his wife even though that is your goal.
6. Don’t be emotionally needy.
Men like their women to be emotionally independent to some extent; suppose you are clingy and need you to risk turning him off and driving him away.
That is the opposite of what you want now, so try to have a life going on for yourself so that you won’t be tempted to make him the center of your life.
7. Connect with him
You would be shocked by how many men feel isolated, alone, and devoid of human connection. Be this for your man, and he will be stuck on you, like Lionel Richie.
Seriously mane, crave deep and genuine connection, enter his space and break down all the walls he built to keep people down. Deep down, the man needs the attention, so give him that and more?
Your goal should be to connect with this man on all levels;
- Physically by touch and sex
- Emotionally by being empathetic and sympathetic
- Intellectually, by sharing the similar depth of things he finds mentally stimulating
- Psychologically by have shared experiences and attachments.
A philandering man has it all; he has both the perfect wife and the side chick, so he is content with having both of you in his life.
A happy man like that wouldn’t want to disturb the perfect harmony of his current life, so even he won’t leave his wife, he still can’t afford to lose you either.
So he will try to hold onto you both for as long as he possibly can.
I understand that you are frustrated and exhausted with this whole situation. Being the other woman is tough.
You are expected to keep it no strings attached in an affair that is by no means emotion proof. It is difficult and, frankly speaking, impossible to keep detached from a man you have a physical and possibly emotional connection with you.
What makes it even worse is that he is never going to leave his wife. Your feelings of tiredness are valid, especially having waited on him to come around to pulling the trigger on his marriage for so long, anyone in your shoes would.
In this situation, your only choice, which is the most painful, is to break up with the man. It is not healthy for you to wait on a man you may never have. Please choose yourself.
There isn’t a time frame after which your married boyfriend will have left his wife for you. Depending on the myriad factors, it can take anywhere between days to a lifetime.
While I can’t tell precisely how long to wait for a married man to leave, I can tell you when you should leave.
You know it is time to give up the hope of the married man ever leaving his wife when;
• He becomes disrespectful to you
• He consistently prioritizes you last
• His wife attacks you
• The relationship is affecting your life in general
Sometimes a man will not leave his wife even when he can; however, sometimes a man even though he would leave.
There are many reasons why a married man cannot leave even though he is willing, as elaborated above.
If the reason the man can’t leave, then maybe, just maybe, he would easily leave his marriage for you.
Mama Nkima is a marriage counselor and relationship expert who has dedicated her life to helping couples build strong, healthy relationships. She has academic degrees in Education and Psychology. She has over 40 years of experience helping couples and individuals work through their relationship issues.
She draws on her own experiences as a spiritual guide but also from years of research to offer readers practical, actionable advice.