Ever since I wrote a post about the ‘signs that he will leave his wife’ which is about three weeks backs back, I get many questions like,‘When is he going to leave her?’ Why does he claim he loves me when he won’t leave his wife? Why hasn’t he left her yet? , flooding in via my inbox.Unfortunately, haven’t yet received any notices saying – ‘I Was the Other Woman — But Now I’m the Wife.’
Instead, the feeds I get, are from people with heart breaks that come from being the third party in a relationship. People who are left in tears with first-hand lesson that men naturally never choose their mistresses over their wives. Because there are doubtless many women still in this situation trying to figure out ‘why’
That’s why in today’s article, we’ve put together a list of the eight most common reasons as to why he can’t leave his wife for you (mistress).
Ever heard of the common saying “why buy a cow when you can get the milk for free” He gets what he wants: two relationships and no responsibility to hold to any commitments. He is already receiving “the other woman benefits” (whether that be sex, physical and emotional intimacy affection or anything else) and still go back to his wife.
For him to leave his wife is pointless and in no way it works to his advantage. He doesn’t share your sense of urgency and desperation. You are his spare tyre and he is so comfortable with letting you play as his second fiddle despite your insistence that he make a clean break and be with you
Fear of divorce
In my super healing practice, I work with a variety of people: men and women, those ranging from the mid-20s to early 60s, and interesting people from different walks of life, from a small-town Man to a career woman in a big city. And while my clients approach me with a variety of challenges, one particular challenge falls in my inbox as always: a man wants to leave his wife but he is afraid of divorce. He is afraid of what happened to his children after the divorce since his wife often use the “I’ll take the kids with me and you’ll never see them again” card during arguments
Too often men are scared of the legal system because they have watched/heard a lot of stories of being “taken to the cleaners” in divorce court. There are responsibilities to think about. It’s money, security, feelings, children, reputation—everything that has been built up together with the other partner has to break down. Now men are stuck with their wives because their only alternative is a divorce that promises financial ruin and part-time fatherhood.
The “good guy”
You may not believe this, but the worst kind of breakup is when you clearly know that it’s your fault. A breakup where you can’t claim that you were the trusting partner who was acting in a good faith but got hurt by someone else. A break up where you are responsible for, not the guilty one, not the victim but the perpetrator.
So however much this guy may want to leave, he is scared to be the bad seed. He is scared of losing respect for his kids, family and friends. He is scared of giving up his shared social life and mutual friends who may be forced to take sides. His feet are tied up and he is likely to keep them that way as long as he can eat out once in a while.
Fear of another man fathering his children
This another as to why he can’t leave his wife for you. He can’t bear the thought of him seeing another man coming into his children’s lives after separation. The thought of another man fathering his children is unbearable, to begin with. He is troubled with the idea of another man-step father in competition with him for the love of children. He is troubled with another man with no connection at all with his kids other than marrying their mother coming in and disrupt the little delicate balances that often exists in a separated family.
Why he can’t leave his wife for you –He can’t make you his wife
Well, I do not know the reason why he chose her for a wife, but what I know is that he may not ready to wife you. Men may seem dumb, but they are smart when they want to be. They know which woman to bring home to family, which women to show off to their friends, which women to take for parties and the one to bring home after late-night bars. Your partner probably doesn’t win you the traits for his potential wife. He can’t see you as a woman he would put home to be his wife. So, not until he finds someone who is worth it, he won’t leave his wife.
He honours his vows
He can’t leave his wife because probably is a church guy who mastered this verse – Mark 10:11–12 Jesus said, “A man who divorces his wife so he can marry someone else commits adultery against her. And a woman who divorces her husband so she can marry someone else commits adultery.” This man is still attached to the vows he made with his wife at the time of their union.
Though he cheats on his wife as many men do, he is the kind who takes his marriage seriously and is committed to spending the rest of his life with her. He is finding it hard to snap those bonds and throw those promises to the dust bin.
There is something positive about his character which is ‘honoring his vows’. After all, would you really be ok with taking a chance with a man who doesn’t respect commitments? Wouldn’t you be worried that he might one day repeat the pattern by breaking his commitment to you? Past performance is generally the best predictor of future behaviour.
He isn’t truly in love with you
This is the other reason why he can’t leave his wife for you and it is probably the hardest pill to swallow. In my opinion, it is the major reason for his lack of commitment to only you. He just enjoys the benefits that he gets from you. He may care for you but doesn’t mean that he is in love with you. There isn’t a true connection, but you what provide is enough to keep him around. It just may not be enough to leave his wife who was there for him for years.
You are Just for Fun
Most cheating men when caught or confronted usually justify their behaviour with statements like just because someone is married does not mean that they can’t have someone aside too, ‘I’m not doing anything that most of my buddies don’t do. If you don’t believe me, ask them’.
This really hurts to hear but even in a happy marriage, it is possible for men to have a roving eye or even crave affection from another lady. For a lot of men, an affair is not about the person or even the sex, it’s about the thrill – of the chase, of the secrecy and yes, even the deceit. He is enjoying the naughtiness that is lacking from his honest relationship with his wife. He is not looking for something serious – he has it at home already. Instead, he is looking for someone he can be silly with.