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Are you in love with a man in a relationship with someone else? Would he leave his wife for a mistress(for you or anyone else in the same boat)? or you don’t know where it is heading. Am asking all that because I know it is a tough situation being the other woman especially if the man is married and not just in a relationship. You have to give up the assurance of daily contact with someone you love, the security of being able to call him at 1 am when you wake up from the scaring dream. You can’t give him a casual phone call and expect him to pick it up. You are the “dirty little secret who is kept hidden and not spoken of. You are alone on Christmas Day, on Saturday nights. And unless you have friends who accept your relationship, there was no way to share your love life with others.
Of course, someone would think: anyone in their right mind would never get into this situation at the get-go… but then again, how many of them have fallen in love and followed what their brain said instead of their heart?
Often, when women get involved with the attached men, they then reduce themselves to feeling or acting pathetic and finally these men take away their power. It’s like watching a car crash happening in slow motion and you can’t do anything to stop it!
It is as if these men are born by the same mother…they all mastered the art of lying, the art of feeding women with sweet words and empty promises. It’s fairly common for a cheating husband to tell his mistress that he is miserable in his marriage and wants to get out.
Yet they rarely leave their wives for their sweethearts, but instead simply string them along.(Check out signs he won’t leave his wife for you)
However, there are a few key assumptions that I believe a cheating man who has an affair with the other woman think about before deciding whether he should leave his wife or not. So since I happen to interact with people from all walks of life, am here to tell you what such a man always have in his mind.
Would he leave his wife for a mistress? Quite hard because there are issues which must be taken into considerations.
The “chances” a man leaves a scrambled marriage for another he has fallen for depending greatly on factors such as the assets and financial situation, whether he stands a chance of seeing his children if he upsets a bitter ex-wife, cultural beliefs and much more. It is not the same as everyone.
My close sister and her husband were married for 60 years until her husband’s death. Quite a solid moral marriage with value, right? They had such a miserable relationship that they did not live together for the last twenty years, and when we gathered as a family they made us all mad. My sister would not give him a divorce because Christianity condones divorce.
A dear friend and an excellent soul found out about his wife having an affair and soon after met and fell deeply in love with another woman. Despite being unhappy in his marriage and desperately wanting to leave and be with her, he could not stand to be without his children or to disappoint them by allowing them to grow up with single parents. He stayed in his marriage and ended the intimate relationship with the other woman. He says he still loves his former mistress; they stayed the best of friends and talk almost every day. They are just roommates with his wife. It’s only the son who isn’t unhappy. So it’s not that simple.
Would he leave his wife for a mistress? Yes It is possible but the mistress has to be a great woman
Numerous relationship experts show that if a husband’s extramarital affair doesn’t break up a marriage in the first couple of years, it won’t ever. The experts further report that only 20% of men involved in an affair leave their wives for the mistress.
However for a mistress to fall in a very small circle of the population which can win over her affair partner, she has to be a woman that knows that relationships aren’t about becoming one with the other person. A woman who is strong with her own life, friends and her own sense of belonging. Someone who doesn’t need constant attention and, someone who doesn’t need society endorsement. For that kind of woman, I think who can manage to have a healthy relationship. A woman who can’t handle the other woman game is usually that who needs constant reassurance, a woman who needs to be taken care of, a woman who is needy and possessive; a woman who needs to have children and start her own family.
Would he leave his wife for a mistress? Only possible if he is very decisive
A man could be deeply in love with his mistress, but not have the courage to leave his wife. A relationship that begins when one or both of you are committed to someone else will always have a fundamental flaw in the foundation. I mean, being kept under wraps (a secret), forbidden relationship in the first place.. all that speaks to his level of courage from the word go. It is really hard for a man to leave a wife even if his heart is with a mistress.
The combined finances ( including the money that he banked on to retire at some level of comfort), the division of property, Cost of divorce, legal implications, custody issues, loss of friends, judgment from closed ones.
There are some pretty huge potential costs in walking away from a partner and It’s much easier to NOT rock the boat. There is a lot more under the surface for him to think about than the pulsing thought of ‘I love her’. It takes an incredible leap of belief in oneself, has faith that the future will get brighter, a big F-you to social conventions, and a strong force of willingness for him to leave.
Would he leave his wife for a mistress? I don’t think so because he still wants surety
Apparently, his bread is still being buttered on both sides ( he has you and the wife). But he is thinking hard about his life after divorcing her. Will you be there for me still? Won’t you disappoint me? These are the words that are only echoing in his heart.
He wants to be guaranteed that if he leaves her for you, that you will never leave him. He wants to be sure he can have you if he didn’t have her. Furthermore, he is weighing up his options. But he is seeing you as someone who is always accidentally stirring the pot and finds staying with his wife as the safest option. He can’t risk being disappointed by someone else and suffering the shame of being left alone after leaving a marriage for someone else.
Everyone’s one choice is their own responsibility and it’s not in my place to judge. I myself wouldn’t recommend being a mistress as a first priority. But if you need someone in your life to comfort you, talk to, cuddle with and provide the affection that you are not getting, it’s hard to turn that down. I believe these relationships are inevitable until one finds Mr Right.
Mama Nkima is a marriage counselor and relationship expert who has dedicated her life to helping couples build strong, healthy relationships. She has academic degrees in Education and Psychology. She has over 40 years of experience helping couples and individuals work through their relationship issues.
She draws on her own experiences as a spiritual guide but also from years of research to offer readers practical, actionable advice.