Table of Contents
The hardest thing is watching someone you love, love or choose some other anonymous person over you.
- How could he choose someone else over me?
- Why would even he dare?
I know you have probably asked yourself this question many times.
It can be agonizingly heartbreaking when the man you love chooses another woman.
Such a heartbreak can tempt you to do silly things to prove your worth trying to salvage the situation or worse; it can make you think you are not enough. Because if you are, your man would have been satisfied with just you.
That’s where you are wrong. You see, some men will stare diamonds in the face and still fall for sand. Many men don’t even know what they want until it’s too late! So, it’s not you; it’s him.
What makes it even worse is when you go through her social media and realize that you are better than the girl he is picking over you by any standard. You are:
And generally a better option than her.
So you are puzzled. Why? What does she have that I don’t?
Has it occurred to you that you could be overqualified for the job? He isn’t picking her over you because there is something wrong with you, but rather because he can’t handle you.
You are gorgeous, funny, smart, and successful; you name it. Yet sadly, your man is just a boy. He wouldn’t know what to do with all that awesomeness.
I know it still hurts because you want him. Even though he is just a boy, you still want him, even though he isn’t right for you, you want him. You want him to want you back.
Hard as it may be, the best thing to do when he chooses someone else is to move on. All the questioning and moping around will not help in any way. They only aggravate your pain and make walking away harder than it should have been.
When he chooses someone over quotes.
When the man you love picks another woman over you, it is devastating. I remember finding solace in the comfort of sad quotes when my own “happily ever after” picked Ashley instead. I hope you find your comfort in these famous sayings, proverbs, and quotes.
1. “Remember that you’re not worthless when someone chooses someone else over you” – Anonymous.
2. “It never stops hurting, does it?” “What” “Giving someone the best of you and watching them choose someone else.” -HPLYRIKZ.COM.
3. “In the end, we all want someone that chooses over everyone else under any circumstances.” – Unknown.
4. “You don’t lose a good man, you lose one who isn’t good for you.” – Steve Havey
5. “Of course you are allowed to choose someone else over me. You are just not allowed to expect me to like it.” -Someecards.
He chose her over me.
When your love interest chose someone over you, it must have hurt. The effort and investment you put into the relationship were all washed down the drain.
The fact he left is bad enough, but that he chose another over you, also, was like adding salt to a wound, death by a hundred cuts. It’s worse than a regular breakup because it makes you question your value.
Why did he choose her over you?
Oftentimes, when your partner chooses someone over you, there is nothing you can do. You may have even pondered endlessly about why he picked her over you. Here is the answer for you.
Don’t think about asking him why he chose her over you. It’s not a straightforward thing to do. What would he say in response?
That she is:
It’s an awkward situation for both of you.
It’s choice and emotions, not your looks.
When he leaves you for another woman, it is only a matter of choice and emotions, at least for the average guy. It’s never about your nose or height or any other physical thing for that matter.
Have you ever had a decent guy say something like this “I left my girl to be with someone that had a bigger ass’? Highly unlikely.
Take all the matchmaking TV shows, the Bachelor, Love Island, and Big Brother. We see that when a man is left with two women to choose from towards the end of the show, he always says some cheesy lines like “It just felt right” or “I just had a feeling.”
He chooses the girl to go with, basing on how she makes him feel. And there is not much that you can do about how you make him feel.
Just because he had that indescribable feeling with someone else and not you, it does not make you any less exceptional. It only means you weren’t the right match for him. Rest assured that you are the perfect match for someone else.
How to get over the fact that he chose her over you?
Like any other rejection, it’s a painful time. The process of getting over why your man chose her instead of you is a painful path.
I would know because I have helped many people who have been there many times. You can call them weak or irrational (God knows they were);
Love makes us do debatable things. I remember standing there too paralyzed to cry and too shocked to mumble anything intelligent when he told me he wanted her.
Two months, three weeks, and five days, we almost made it to three months (not that I wasn’t counting) all flashed before my eyes.
My ex was willing to throw it all away just like that, for another random girl. Mind you; She wasn’t even all that. Okay, I admit she was pretty, but that’s all.
The truth is you never really stop loving someone; a part of you will always love him.
To be positively free from that prison of love and sadness from losing love, you have to be willing to feel the pain. Pain is for us as humans to handle.
A lover is a warrior. I am not saying love is synonymous with pain. The two are like conjoined sisters. You can’t have one without the other.
So, cry if you must, unfollow and follow him back, whatever it takes, to take you through the grief, however long, it’s all part of the process.
However, be mindful not to grieve for too long, or the hurt will engulf and swallow you up until you can’t tell who you are apart from it; it becomes you, your pain, your identity.
Once you have ejected the negative energy, remember this on those nights when his image plagues your mind and won’t let you sleep. You deserve a love that chooses you, a love that prioritizes you, a love that values and cherishes you, and a love that sees you. At the end of the day, you sleep better when you know that you are the only one for him because, with him, you are never lost in the crowd. He chooses you any day. That’s what you deserve.
In the end, I hope that you realize that you deserve better. If a man chooses another over you for whatever reasons best known to him, he doesn’t deserve you. You need someone in the long run.
How do I cope with someone choosing someone else over me?
When the man you love picks someone other than you, it feels like the world is coming to an end. It hurts so badly because it leaves you doubting why you are not enough for him. This is the nearly most depressing and riotous thing on earth when you are rejected.
It is so hard that you might not even know how to live through the next minute. Here is a step by step guide to deal and cope when he chooses someone else over you.
Step 1. Cry, talk, paint, walk, run, or travel. You have to find a healthy exit for the pain.
We deal with and process trauma differently. Whatever the emotions you’re feeling, whether it be self-pity, anger, betrayal, or jealousy, you name it, do not bottle it up. It needs to be released, or you could literally explode from carrying all that emotional baggage. Losing someone you love to another is extremely painful. You don’t need all that agony piling up in you. Release it someway.
Step 2. Be kind to yourself. It’s not your fault.
When your relationships fail, it’s hard not to blame yourself. In this case, it wasn’t something about you or a thing you did that drove your man away. You were simply not right for each other. He doesn’t deserve the loyalty from you that he won’t reciprocate. The bottom line is that he wasn’t worthy of you in the first place, so why take the blame?
Step 3. Forgive him. He didn’t know better than this, and he didn’t mean to hurt you.
I know you might want to hate him, but you can’t. The best thing to do for yourself is to forgive him. Chances are that he didn’t hurt you on purpose. Holding grudges would be pointless. He won’t die from the poison you are swallowing. After all, “Being angry at someone is like drinking poison but expecting the other person to die.”
Step 4. Forgive her, don’t blame her.
She isn’t the evil person in the equation. Love is love, and love grows wherever it wishes. She probably didn’t know about you when she met him. But even if she did, forgiving her will help you heal faster.
Step 5. Love yourself.
At this time, you need to love yourself extra more than you usually do. Just because your man didn’t love you enough, it doesn’t mean that you can’t love yourself. Love yourself unconditionally regardless of other people’s affection towards you. This will give you the momentum to let go.
Step 6. Focus on yourself. Focus on your dreams and everything that goes with it. Choose you.
Focusing on you and your passions will change your focus from the sadness you are into a reality that makes you happy. You need to be in a happy place right now more than ever. I know that it might seem like running away from reality, but you will deal with the loss better by creating a new one.
Step 7. The best revenge is to move on, do nothing.
You might be tempted to try and make him regret leaving you, but that will only hurt you. The best thing to do is nothing, I know it sounds counterintuitive, but it works. Ignore posts, don’t comment, don’t become a motivational speaker. Just live your life.
Don’t dwell on the past, so you won’t fall apart again. Your man chose her, and that was his decision. It has nothing to do with you.
How to make him choose me over her
Ideally, every woman would have her own man. Sadly though, in reality, whether due to the discrepancy in the male and female population or the male chauvinistic society that proposes that a real man deserves more than one lady, two or women sometimes end up fighting for a single man’s attention.h
Often, the people we may be interested in going out with long-term usually are gauging their options. Let’s face it, attractive people have several suitors, there is bound to be some competition for them. An honorable man wouldn’t put that burden on the woman he loves, but we have a shortage of good men these days.
If you find yourself in a battle for a man, you might feel helpless. You don’t have to fret any longer; read on to find out how you can influence a man to choose you over her. Regardless of how intense the competition is, there are ways to get a guy to like you more than someone else.
Seven ways to make him choose you over someone else
1. Be pleasant.
Be a breath of fresh air, fun, and generally easy-going with him. Let him realize how fun and cheery you are. You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar; being pleasant costs nothing but gains you much. Use it as a weapon, and you will have the upper hand against your opponent.
2. Feign disinterest.
Showing interest is good and will, in fact, work wonders for you. Showing too much interest, though, will make you come off as needy. We all know that there is nothing attractive about being clingy, don’t we? Feigning disinterest will signal to him that another man might have caught your interest.
3. Have a life; you can’t always make yourself available.
When you seem like you have something going on, your life seems more colorful. Men are attracted to a woman who has it going on. Making him the center of your life is not only clingy but boring to him. You can’t afford to be bored for a second. It is survival for the fittest, and there is nothing reasonable about a bore. Don’t accept last-minute dates. Let him know that it doesn’t make plans ahead of time; you will already be preoccupied.
4. Make your competitors lose interest.
This may sound devious, but believe it or not, it works. The only downside is that if your man finds out about it, he will resent you. I have my friend beat her competition but telling them he has herpes or some other nasty disease.
5. Build a connection with your man.
Do you have any emotional connection with him? Do you share a belief, hobby, or life experience which can establish an attraction? Your connection with a man is essentially more powerful than sex in building a relationship. Rather than focusing your energy on his relationship with the other woman, focus on your connection with him.
6. Be authentic and unique.
Being yourself is exceptionally irresistible to any man. When you are who you were made to be, you exude confidence and charm. Men want a woman who has high self-esteem and self-assurance because if she carries herself as if she is worth more than Gold, the man will think she must be worth more than Gold.
In an era where fitting in is in style, dare to be different. That’s how you stand out from the crowd, from your competitors.
7. Build Attraction
I can’t stress enough how important it is that the man you are interested in being physically, sexually, and emotionally attracted to you. The attraction is that X-factor, that quality that will make you more appealing to him than the other girl. Your femininity will attract his masculinity.
What’s the golden law of attraction? Like poles repel, opposite poles attract. Sexual polarities come into play in the seduction between men and women. The more femininity you exude, the more irresistible a masculine man will find you. I have given you a loaded gun, go ahead and shoot your shot.
Keep these 7 tips at your fingertips, and he’ll be eating out of your palm soon.
He left me for someone else.
When the man chooses someone else over you, it leaves you scared. It leaves you puzzled with so many unanswered questions, which you’d never dare to voice.
• Is there something wrong with me?
• Will he regret leaving me?
Don’t worry, pretty head, I got you. Simply stick around.
Why a man would leave you is a tricky question to handle. Do you even know why men do anything? There are a few reasons men leave their partners; however, unless you ask your partner, we’ll never specifically what broke the camel’s back. Here are some reasons why men, in general, leave their partners.
Reasons why he left you
1. Your man has fallen out of love with you
People fall in love all the time, people also fall out of love all the time. If he has fallen out of love with you, he has no emotional attachment and connection with you holding him back. He will leave at whatever opportunity he gets.
2. Your man is in love with another woman
If he is in love with another woman, he cannot and will not stand away. Rest assured that at the slightest chance, he will leave you for her.
3. Your man is emotionally unsatisfied
Contrary to popular belief, men want and need emotional satisfaction. He wants to connect deeply with you at all levels, physically, psychologically, and mentally. He wants you to be in your space and let you in his. Sadly, many men don’t get that regularly, if ever, from their partners. When he finds someone who gets him, he will leave.
4. The two of you have grown apart.
Change is a factor of life, and with time we all change. Suppose he changes faster/slower or in a different direction than your partner. In that case, there is bound to be a difference in opinion and interests. Opposites attract, but the likeness is what keeps everything together. Without it, the relationship falls apart.
To be 100% sure why he left you, you have to man-up and ask him. You might not like the answer, but at least you will know why.
How to win him over the other woman
Men prefer the women who they value over the ones whom they don’t. For you to win him over the other woman, you have to make him realize your value.
Sadly, many women fail to do this on the onset because they don’t show up as high value in the beginning. We don’t get to make second first impressions.
All is not lost; nevertheless, you still can reinvent yourself and raise your value in his eyes. Even when you are uninterested in fighting for your man, the other woman will be competing with you regardless.
When there is a possibility that you could lose your man to the other woman, you may be tempted to panic and give up. While that’s the easy way out, it’s also the losers’ way up. You don’t want your man leaving you for her for good unless, of course, he isn’t worth fighting for, which is rarely the case.
However, if you want to keep your man, here are some tips to win him over the other woman.
Three tips that will help you to win him over the other woman.
1. Go silent
I don’t technically mean that you should give him the silent treatment; what I mean is don’t dish out every detail. A little mystery goes a long way in evoking a man’s interest.
Being elusive about your plans and with whom you are doing them is enough to sharpen his senses. What you don’t say is more important to the man than what you don’t say.
Even if the plans were harmless, keeping quiet about some details will keep him pondering. The longer he thinks about you, the more you are in his mind, the more you are in his mind, the more he falls in love with you and obsesses about you.
2. Focus on yourself.
When you put effort into how you look and in whatever concerns you, you flourish. Your aura and positive energy are contagious and drawing people to you. Your man is no exception.
Men are visual, so it is of utmost importance that you embody his fantasies.
3. Be cool about it
Remember when you were younger, and you piqued on a weaker student to get a reaction? Do you remember how it bothered me when they didn’t react?
That’s how frustrated he feels when you are relaxed about the fact that he has another woman in the picture. This is how it works in your favor.
When you are seemingly unbothered by his philandering ways, he begins to worry that you are planning something that he hasn’t figured out yet. His curiosity intrigues him. Intrigue precedes love.
With these few tips, you stand a better chance than the other woman. Besides, you have a history with the man. Use it as a weapon.
No, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Your man has just decided to leave, and quite frankly, it rarely has anything to do with you.
Chances that he will miss you are high, especially if he loved you. He will regret leaving you, that’s for sure, that doesn’t mean that he will come back to you simply because he regrets leaving.
He loves you too, just that he loves her more, so the man won’t stop talking with you simply because he chose her.
The fact that he chose her doesn’t change how he feels about you. He is still talking with you because regardless, he still likes you.
He wants to have the pie and still eat it. He wants the best of both worlds. Sadly, you are playing second fiddle here; he loves the girl he chose, but he can’t afford to lose the benefit of being friends with you.
Whether or not condone this from him depends on whether you are okay with being his side candy. If it goes down well with you, then, by all means, stay. But if you want more from him, leave because he clearly isn’t ready to give what you want. At least not now,
When a man chooses someone else over you, remember it’s not the end of the world. You could get him c-back if you wanted to.
Mama Nkima is a marriage counselor and relationship expert who has dedicated her life to helping couples build strong, healthy relationships. She has academic degrees in Education and Psychology. She has over 40 years of experience helping couples and individuals work through their relationship issues.
She draws on her own experiences as a spiritual guide but also from years of research to offer readers practical, actionable advice.