You are in an early relationship with your man, he loves you and you love him. So far everything is perfect and things could get any better …except for his nauseating clinger woman he dated before with a long history together. His ex won’t leave him alone.
Now that he’s gone, she sees how she messed up and calling him tirelessly with an effort to sabotage your relationship and trying to get him back in her life. She seems to want to break you apart. She is ignoring the fact that he is a committed relationship with you.
Your man claims that he has no feeling for her and they are just friends. And yet on your sideyou are a bit scared of their long history together and her great persistence but then again you don’t want to act like the crazy girlfriend who is insecure about the ex by questioning him. You feel she has no right to constantly interfere in his life but you are also like ‘its not my place to get involved’.
Its hard to create a loving and a trustworthy relationship when your partner’s ex is still in his life. So here are the four lists of things to do when his ex won’t leave him alone.
Evaluate the Circumstances
Before you complain that His ex won’t leave him alone, you need to approach this situation with compassion. Evaluate and approach this matter in a reasonable manner. See if they are any reasons for his ex to stay in contact. Perhaps her reason to intrude on your relationship is about her dedication to their children? Or they share some businesses that they need to talk about such as credit cards? If yes, then no matter what kind of a monster his ex is, there will come a time when you need to get along and fueling the fire won’t be the solution. Understand that the history they have together extends beyond you. This can be tough but you have to be mindful about your role and your place in his life. He is with you because he clearly loves you.
Therefore stay out of their issues. If there are some unsolved matters between him and his ex, it should be between them not you. The only way you can be there for your man is by giving the emotional support that he needs and to trust him that he will handle them.
Ask Him to Handle It
Perhaps his Ex won’t leave him alone because she doesn’t see things like the way you see them. She knows that they had a solid history which is had to break. She sees you as his rebound. Or she still has questions in her head and its time for your boyfriend to be the bad guy and do the great job of communication. He should give her a solid answer and a clear boundary.
Talk to him and see if he can do it. He can send him an email address with something like, ‘my relationship with you ended and we parted ways, and I’m happily in a new relationship with this beautiful woman… I have got a friend and I don’t have space in my life for the kind of friendship we once had. Iam going to block so I won’t be able to receive your messages. I wish you all the best in life.’
The real issue here is for him to make a clear signal to her and afterwards drop the whole issue. Lets see if her name comes up with all the contacts blocked.
And please don’t forget to tell your man that he has to be honest with people even if its bitter and uncomfortable. Its not in your place to suggest to him that he should tell his ex that you exist. Why hasn’t he told her already? It is not good to be in a relationship with someone so submissive, because how will you know that there is an issue between the two of you if he is afraid of confrontation or to cause trouble?
Some bitter exes know how to project their anger to the current partners their exes are dating. If she is the kind, please ignore her. I know it takes a lot of strength and energy to ignore this pushy and annoying toxic ex, but don’t let her win at pissing you off. Given time, she will calm down or back off.
Her aim is to have some control in your relationship. So, any response from you will feed into what she is trying to do. If she forces communication or physically confronts you, ignore her. Refer it to your man and move on. The less attention you give her the better. Your silence will speak louder in this kind of situation than actually your words ever would. Just know, you do not need to attend every party you’re invited to. No one can spoil your day without you giving them permission.Remember, heart break and the hunger his ex is feeling is not about you and did not come from you and neither can you control it. However, you can control the way you react to it.
Kill her with kindness
Have you ever heard of a phrase ‘kill them with kindnesses as a way of dealing with difficult people? I also love this cliché which says “there are no bad people, but people who do bad things” and “they must have been hurt”. This statement is true here because probably this ex was the one dumped and hasn’t moved on yet and seeing her ex moving on beats her to the core. She still has that bitterness which isn’t about you but her.
Well rather than spitting fire to her, chose to act kindly. Decide to be the bigger and better person here. This may seem odd but it works perfectly well. I mean who can stay mad at a calm person? If you are uncomfortable with the number of dials she gives to him, next time she calls ask him if its ok for you to answer it. Then talk to her directly… ‘I appreciate the effort you put in the friendship between you and my man…would you like to have a get together or get some coffee? Too bad it didn’t work out well between the two of you. Am happy that I met him. And am to glad to have a chance with him’. Your kindness will make her have second thoughts about sabotaging your relationship and will let her move on.