Dating a married man has its blisses, yet sleeping with him surpasses them all by far. This topic is a taboo, it’s certainly not for the faint-hearted.
There is something strangely attractive about married men that I don’t have the eloquence to describe. Whether it is the fact that he is forbidden that makes him alluring or the flattery of his attention, I just can’t tell.
One thing I am sure of is that if you can handle the blame, sex with a married man might just be the hottest sex of your life.
What do you call someone who sleeps with a married man?
If the woman has a long-term arrangement with the married man, you could formally refer to her as the mistress or girlfriend. If there isn’t much of a relationship going on, she is most likely a one night stand.
It’s hypocritical to me how the “other woman” is regarded negatively and held accountable for the man’s decision to engage in extramarital sexual relationships.
Mistresses aren’t nearly as monstrous as we assume. Unless 63% of married men who get involved with the mistress are into terrible girls, it is unlikely that the other woman is a horrible person.
Having sex with a married man.
Sex with a married man is wrong, at least by our societal principles. The adrenaline rush from fear of getting caught each time you break this social norm gets the blood flowing through your veins so tantalizingly that the pleasure you get is out of this world.
What’s that song? Sex by you is so amazing… I wouldn’t be shocked if that song was inspired by a married man. It’s an accurate description of the experience, isn’t it? Sex with a married man is so good because every time feels like revenge sex because the sex with you is an outlet for his unresolved marital issues.
While having sexual relations with a married man is very rewarding, you need to be ready for the sexual shaming. God forbid that when love eventually comes to you, it’s the married man it chooses for you because the prejudice and hatred towards mistresses are unforgiving.
The mistress isn’t the only one to blame for this whole mess, you know?
Rules of sleeping with married men (Advice for you)
Sleeping with a married man is generally considered nasty, there might be emotional and moral consequences for you. Regardless of how your affair began and what circumstances surround your relationship, never forget that he is still married.
You need to know some rules of the game. The unspoken silent rules that every successful mistress knows and lives by.
If sleeping with a married man is what you’ve chosen to do, here’s some advice for you.
1. Don’t get pregnant.
The relationship is already complicated as it is. Adding babies to the equation will only make matters worse.
I know it sounds counter intuitive when you have fallen for the man. It feels like having a child with him will strengthen your connection. You’re wrong!
The man will most likely never leave his wife irrespective of how steamy the sex is with you. Do you really want your child to grow without an absent father?
2. Enjoy the sex while you can.
Permanency in your relationship with the married man isn’t guaranteed. Enjoy the sex while you can. Simply put, be present and revel in every bit of what you can now because you’re sitting on a time bomb, the clock is ticking. Every good thing comes to an end sooner or later.
Every good thing comes to an end sooner or later
3. Be great in bed.
Keep things spicy. Make sure you are the wildest blow job experience for him. Invest in that sexy lace lingerie you saw at the mall.
Erotic dancing wouldn’t hurt, would it? Men love that kind of stuff yet we all know that he isn’t getting that from his wife. So be that and more.
4. Be discrete about it.
If you want the affair last, you must keep things quiet. You could tell your best friend, that is as far as it should go. Obviously, you shouldn’t post about it on social media.
The fewer the people involved, the better off you are. First of all, you are cutting down on the backlash because people are going to hate you.
Secondly and most importantly, affairs are secretive, and once the secret is out, rest assured that it is over.
5. Don’t compete with his wife.
His wife is his wife, you’re the mistress. So, you need to never forget that he loves his wife so much. Exactly why he married her in the first place.
I know it’s tempting to be curious about whom he prefers in bed, but asking him makes you come off as insecure. That’s not a good look on you. His wife isn’t even your competition other mistresses are, so focus on pleasing and leave his wife out of it.
6. Forgive yourself for dating the man.
Guilt is a futile emotion that was introduced to us when we were younger. Beating yourself up about having an affair isn’t going to make anything better. It is pointless.
We all deserve some mercy, even the worst of us. Society expects us to conform to its norms and totems.
People, however, are rebellious by nature. You need to separate the action from your personality.
Simply because you did something wrong doesn’t mean you are a terrible person. Be kind to yourself.
7. Make your boundaries clear.
If you are sleeping with a married man, he is most likely older than you are. Older men are wiser and more likely to take advantage of you if you do not put clear boundaries.
If you want your weekend open, make that abundantly clear from the beginning and honor it.
That way, you protect your space. You are confident that he will treat you well.
8. Always be ready for his wife’s confrontation.
You can’t hide the affair forever. Even if the wife isn’t aware, she will feel it once her husband starts cheating on her, with you.
Always be prepared for a bewildered and nasty encounter for that doomsday. You’ll want to make sure you don’t scorn her and add to her anguish with phrases like “he chose me over you” because, in essence, he hasn’t.
Otherwise, she might get violent. He isn’t worth dying for because a scorned woman’s anger knows no limit.
Sleeping with a married man is a pleasurable experience, on the whole, if you do not tread carefully, it will be painful for you, him, and her.
While she is bound to get hurt anyway, the advice above protects you. You don’t have to pay the price for your boyfriend’s adultery, let him and his wife pay.
How do you tell a married man wants to sleep with you?
He is married but he is pursuing you. “Why?” you may be wondering.
I will tell you why.
Wanting to sleep with you has nothing to do with him being married. It doesn’t mean he is immoral and sure as hell doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with you.
Men get attracted to women all the time. They have always wanted to sleep with women since the Garden of Eden.
Married men like any man subconsciously drop hints and signals when they are sexually attracted to a woman.
I know it is confusing when you start to pick up such hints from a married man because society demands that married men be loyal. If you feel that he wants to tangle in sheets, it’s because he does.
Have you ever felt like a man was hitting on you, then you made you move only to find out that you misread his action?
It’s the most embarrassing thing on earth. To protect you from any future embarrassment here sure signs that a married man wants to sleep with you.
1. He complains about being sex-starved by his wife.
When a man begins to open up about his marital sex life, when he is positioning himself as a victim, he wants you to feel sorry for him.
He is trying to evoke sympathy from you so that later when he makes his move on you, you will be inclined to accept his request. Clever! Right?
2. He is touchy.
Like other men, when a married man wants to sleep with you he becomes touch for no reason. Whenever he talks to you, he playfully holds your fingers or brushes your arm. He just can’t keep his arms to himself when he wants to get into your pants.
3. All of his emails and messages are sexual.
Have you noticed his messages and even emails whatever way you communicate with him resembles Mills and Boon? That’s a hint.
If he is sending you erotic messages, he badly wants to sleep with you. This can be irritating if you aren’t interested in his advances. Oftentimes though, he will get to this level of expression when you have been receptive to his previous less subtle advances.
The content of a man’s messages can give away his intention.
4. His idea of the perfect date is pizza at home.
He loves date ideas that keep you home with him. Netflix and chill, he is all about that life. Order delicious food and be lazy around, he is down.
Even if he hasn’t mentioned it yet, it’s only a matter of time. Date ideas that keep you at home mean that should the mood hit right, the bedroom is only a few steps away and that you will most likely agree to sleep with him.
5. Conversations turn sexual
It doesn’t matter how unsexy the conversation is, this man will find a way of making it sexual. You could be talking about something as harmless as traffic, then he says something like this “if only I was stuck on that road with you, what a mess I’d make… wink” that is a sign.
6. He only stares
We know men stare at women they find attractive but there is a stare that leaves feeling you naked. There’s that stare, the one that leaves a stupid smile of mischief on his face.
If he is looking at you like that, it is taking all the self-control in his body not to have you, right there, right then.
7. He sends suggestive gifts.
Gifts can be harmless and totally innocent like cute teddy bears. However, if you are getting lingerie or erotica candles and you still don’t get it, then miss wake up!
8. He tells you
This is the distress button for when all else fails. I get it, some of you don’t get hints. Luckily when a man is out of hints most often than not he will talk to about it.
To be 100% sure that he wants to sleep with you, notice how he is with others, and compare how he is with you. If you are the only one getting the “I want to bed you” vibe it’s obvious then.
Sleeping with a married man at work
Sleeping with a workmate is a bold move. Let alone, a married workmate. It takes guts. You have to be thick-skinned to do anything contrary to social beliefs.
If you really want to pursue anything with a workmate married or not, please be sure it won’t cost your job.
We see more of our colleagues than our friends and families in this 9 to 5 working hour’s culture. At work, you get to see the best version of our colleagues. The smart suits, creativity, and best behavior are what we see.
It is very easy for you to fall for someone if you are always seeing the best version of them. Little wonder that the rate of office sex is escalating. I totally understand why anyone would want to sleep with a colleague.
Whether you should sleep with a married man at work or not boils down to how willing you are to lose your job for a moment with him. Office affairs are ruinous so you need to know what you’re up against.
What to do when you have slept with a married man at work?
Co-worker sex is naughty. According to most of these folks who’ve done it, it’s totally worth it until the awkward glances the next morning.
It can be pretty uncomfortable. In case you are going through this, below are some tips to see you through this time.
1. Don’t tell anyone
This should be obvious though the guilt post having sexual relations with a married man at work can make you do stupid things, the fewer the people who know, the less the impact.
You need to remember that gossip, judgment and sexual shaming are still very much a reality before you involve anyone else.
2. Forgive yourself
What’s been done is done. You can’t go back in time darling but you can forgive yourself. It’s not the end of the world and if it’s any comfort to you, 31% of office hookups end in some kind of long term relationship. You might get lucky.
Married men are men in the first place men, any consequences you might experience from normal office affairs will only be worse if, in addition, he is married.
Can you go to jail for sleeping with a married man?
I guess you didn’t know that cheating on your spouse is illegal in many parts of the country.
According to the Los Angeles Times Opinion by Deborah L Rhode as of 2 May 2016, “A few states even permit aggrieved spouses to sue paramours for alienation of affection. “You’ve got to be kidding me,” said a 61-year-old Chicago man sued on that ground. “Is this thing for real?” In another celebrated 2010 case, a jury ordered a woman who had broken up a long-standing marriage to pay $9 million in damages.”
While you may not go to jail as clearly shown above, you might get fined should the aggrieved spouse sue.
Why would a married man want to have a one night stand?
One night stands often occur as a result of weak boundaries, drinking, and anonymity. One night stands do not necessarily indicate problems in the marriage or that the adulterer is dissatisfied with his wife.
Normally, there isn’t any emotional attachment between the adulterer and the woman with whom the one-night stand happens.
Characteristics of one night stands:
- It is an affair of expediency. It is not that the married man sought it out but rather occurs as the result of an opportunity that is presented.
- The majority of the time the married man has no desire whatsoever to leave his marriage.
- There isn’t an ongoing relationship between the married man and you.
Reasons why a married man would want to have a one night stand
1. He is Lonely, fatigued, or angry.
Often when a man is irritated, he could do regrettable things out of rage. Married men, actually all men, like to cool off by having sex. When he is stressed and the wife is away or in one of those “don’t touch me moods”, he may get himself an available lady just for the night.
2. There is a lady willing to sleep with him there and then, talk about serendipity.
3. The anonymity provided by being in a new place gives him a cover and freedom to be single again just for the time he is in that area
4. He has nothing to lose.
In general, individuals who have had one night stands will take the secret with them to the grave.
Sleeping with a married man may be fun and all, and it will be for you – only when you are careful enough to play by the rules of the game.
Lead spell caster at Nkima Spells. College graduate who ended up a witch doctor from the Samalagwe.