Why a man having an affair won’t leave his wife?
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There are a number of reasons why a man having an affair won’t leave his wife, even if he is unhappy in the marriage and not leading a healthy relationship.
One of the reason is, he is worried about what divorce would mean for his children, or he may still have feelings for his wife.
Additionally, some men may simply be unwilling to end a relationship that they have invested so much time and energy into, regardless of the infidelity its just an emotional affair.
It does not mean, however, that a man who has cheated will never leave his wife.In some cases, the affair may be a sign that the marriage is truly over and that it is time for both parties to move on.
If a man is unhappy in his marriage and is not willing to work on repairing the relationship, then divorce may be the best option for both him and his wife.
Statistics show that infidelity only second to Domestic violence is one of the leading causes of divorce, and couples who experience infidelity are more likely to divorce than those who do not.
According to a survey conducted by the Institute for Family Study, only 13% of women reported having cheated on their spouses, whereas 20 percent of men admitted to cheating.
However, this does not mean that every marriage that experiences infidelity will end in divorce.Couples who are able to work through the affair and rebuild trust can often salvage their relationship and go on to have a happy and healthy marriage.
All the arguments above sound confusing.So what exactly are the reasons why a man having an affair won’t leave his wife?
1.He is worried about what divorce would mean for his children.
Studies have shown that children of divorced parents are more likely to experience a variety of problems, including academic difficulties, mental health issues, and behavioral problems, physical abuse.
As a result, many men who are unhappy in their marriage choose to stay married for the sake of their children. Divorce Effects on Children – SAS for Women
While this may seem like a selfless act coming out as the relationship hero, it is important to remember that children are often better off when their parents are happy and healthy, even if that means they are divorced.
On the other hand Married cheating husbands abuse this fact when they want to keep their cake and eat it too.They use their children as an excuse not to leave when they are the ones who are unhappy in the marriage.
They lie to their affair partners by saying things like, “I would leave her for you in a heartbeat if it weren’t for the kids.” I don’t want to be a bad person to my kids.
2.He still have feeling for his wife.
Even if a man is unhappy in his marriage, he may still have residual feelings for his wife.In some cases, these feeling may be strong enough to keep him from leaving the marriage, even if he is involved in an affair.
Physical affair partners come and go, but a wife is usually someone who a man has invested a great deal of emotion into over the years.
As a result, it can be difficult for him to let go of the relationship just so easily, even if it is not fulfilling his needs.The emotional connection just isn’t there for the mistress.
3.He does not love his affair partner
Cheating spouse who fails to leave their spouse, seldom falls in love with the affair partner.An affair is typically about fulfilling a need that is not being met in the marriage.
In most cases, the affair partner is simply a means to an end and is not someone that the husband actually loves or feels emotionally connected to.As a result, many men are unwilling to leave their wives for someone they do not actually love, even if they are unhappy in the marriage.
To him this whole affair is just a physical affair.Reason why a man having an affair won’t leave his wife is because he treats his affair partner as an object.
He’s not in love with the mistress.She’s just a fantasy.He thinks she want what he has and he wants what she represent that’s it.
4.He is worried about the financial implications of divorce.
For many men, the thought of going through a divorce is a scary proposition, particularly if there are significant assets or children involved.
In some cases, men stay in an unhappy marriage simply because they do not want to deal with the hassle and expense of a divorce.Divorce is expensive and creates painful rifts in relationships.Relationship counselors recommend men should open up more often than normal.
Even though research has shown that men are more likely to remarry after a divorce than women (64% of men versus 52% of women), you must ensure that you tread these grounds with caution. (marriage.com)
5.He is worried about what people will think.
In many cultures, there is still a stigma attached to divorce, particularly for men.In some cases, men may stay in an unhappy marriage simply because they do not want to deal with the judgment and criticism that often comes with getting a divorce.
Emotional abuse, public humiliation, and being isolated from friends and family are just some of the things that men may be worried about if they choose to get a divorce.
Marrying your mistress means blowing up your marriage, family and everything else.This is not for the faint of heart .
While all of these reasons may seem valid, it is important to remember that staying in an unhappy marriage can often do more harm than good.If a man is truly unhappy in his marriage, it is often best to reach out to a professional for help in making the decision to stay or leave.
5.He thinks its too early for the mistress to understand him
Some men who have affair partners they are not in love with will stay married because they believe that their affair partner does not truly love or understand them.
In some cases, the man may feel like his wife is the only one who knows him and that no one else could ever truly love him the way she does.As a result, he may stay in the marriage even if he is unhappy, simply because he does not believe that anyone else could ever understand or love him as much as his wife does.
6.He doesn’t want to start over
For many men, the thought of starting over again is just too daunting.
Emotional relationships are not easy to build.Its a cultivation of memories over years.This explains why emotional relationships not like physical affairs are very hard to just end.
Some of my clients say only an evil person would make cheating spouse end his marriage contract with a non cheating spouse.
Marriage counselor Mama Nkima says that some men would rather stay in an unhappy marriage some times with physical abuse than have to start over again.
7.He does not have confidence that his AP would be different/better than his wife
This is a common reason why men cheat and why they will not leave their wives for the woman they are cheating with.
Many men do not believe that the woman they are cheating with will be any different than his current wife.
He may have already seen her flaws and he knows that she is not perfect.As a result, he may not believe that she will be any better than his current wife, so why bother leaving?
8.He likes the idea of having a wife and a mistress
For some men, the thought of having a wife and a mistress is just too appealing to pass up.In some cases, men may stay in an unhappy marriage simply because they like the idea of being able to have their cake and eat it too.
These men enjoy the attention and the ego boost that comes with having a mistress, but they also like the stability and security that comes with being married.As a result, they may not be willing to give up either one, even if it means being unhappy in their marriage.
9.He believes that things will eventually get better
In some cases, men stay in an unhappy marriage simply because they believe that things will eventually get better.
Dr M Morphy believes only an insane person would hope for change with out effort.Some men still believe that being a relationship hero is about believe that things can workout better even at point of seemingly no return.
They don’t leave because they have hope in activities such as individual therapy, couples therapy and recommendations from marriage counselors can still revive their breaking marriage.
Physical passion fades in all marriages, so he believes that the current lack of intimacy is just a phase and that things will eventually improve.
He also believe that the other problems in his marriage are temporary and that they will eventually work themselves out.As a result, he may be willing to stay in an unhappy marriage rather than getting a divorce.
10.There would always be a valid excuse not to leave
Many men have valid excuses for not leaving an unhappy marriage.Some men may stay because they have young children and they do not want to disrupt their lives.
Others may stay because they do not want to deal with the judgment and criticism that often comes with getting a divorce.
Society wants you to put want they want first, When is it time to put what you want first?
Emotional abuse, public humiliation, and being the center of a scandal are all valid reasons why a man may stay in an unhappy marriage.In some cases, the fear of losing everything is just too great and men will stay in an unhappy marriage rather than risk it all.
11.He is ashamed of his affair
If you’re married, and you feel an emotional and/or physical attraction towards someone else, then that doesn’t necessarily mean you can have a sexual or romantic affair with them.
It is easier to admit you are in a sexual relationship than in an emotional relationship?
Furthermore, it’s much more difficult to end the emotional affair than the sexual one.The best thing to do if you find yourself in this situation is to talk to your partner.
With the 11 reasons above, it’s clear to see that there are a multitude of reasons why a man may stay in an unhappy marriage.If you are a man who is considering leaving your wife, it is important to reach out to a professional for help in making the decision to stay or leave.
Next lets answer some of the frequently asked questions related to why a man won’t leave his wife even though he is unhappy and agrees to take all the emotional abuse and physical abuse.
He won’t leave his wife but won’t let me go
If you are in a relationship with a cheating spouse that wont leave his wife but wont let you go, There are psychological reasons why he wont cancel his marriage contract.
Some people stay in relationships even though they’re not happy because often they are afraid of change.Your partner is afraid of change or uncomfortable with the idea of leaving or ending his marriage contract.
Another possibility is that he most probably a type that gets some sort of emotional or psychological gratification from having two women in his life – one who is loyal and devoted to him (Emotional Relationship), and one who is “secretly” available for him to cheat on his wife with (Emotional Affair).
From your perspective, it might seem like this situation is frustrating and unfair, but it’s important to remember that you are not in control of the other person’s actions (Unless of course you want to gain the control Contact Mama Nkima to make him jump).
The only thing you can do is make decisions based on what is best for you and what makes you happy.Seek help from relationship counselors.
Signs a married man is using you.
From what i have discussed with you above, its quite clear that most reasons have something to do with that fully being fully aware that he will never leave his wife but intends to keep you either.Keeping his cake and eating it too.He sees you just like target for physical affair.
In my articles Sign 29 Signs a Married Man is Using You for Your Money, Sex, and Emotional Support and Signs a Man is Using You for Money: How to Spot the Red Flags I explore a number of signs that will help you to identify a man who is using you for your money, sex or emotional support.Pls check them out.
Signs he will leave his wife for you
Before you spend a lot of your time on a man that’s married, you need to know weather he will leave his wife for you.
There are a number of signs that you need to be aware of that will tell you everything you need to know about his intentions.
Signs he will leave his wife for you include him telling you that he is unhappy in his marriage, making plans for a future with you, and being emotionally and physically intimate with you.
If you are seeing these signs, then it is likely that he will eventually leave his wife for you.However, If you don’t see these signs, then it’s best you sleep one eye open.
I have written quite a number of articles on this topic.These articles should help you find out hidden signs that you should not take for granted.
Some of the articles are:
- Will He Leave His Wife?The Truth About Married Men and Affairs
- Why he can’t leave his wife for you
- Will he leave his wife statistics
- Signs He Will Leave His Wife for You: The 15 Clues That it Will Happen
In these articles I share some of the top signs that a man will not or will leave his wife for you.
Society wants you to put want they want first, When is it time to put what you want first?
Some of the signs that he won’t leave his wife for you are:
1) He doesn’t include you in future plans
2) You are always the one making all the effort
How does the other woman feel when he goes back to his wife?
The feelings of the other woman may vary greatly depending on the individual woman’s psychology and relationship to the man.
Some women feel hurt, betrayed, or abandoned when the man goes back to his wife.Others may be more understanding or even relieved that the man has chosen to return to his primary relationship.
Still others may feel a combination of emotions at different times or in different situations.
What is most important for anyone involved in this type of situation is to be honest with oneself about what one is feeling, and then communicate those feelings openly and honestly with the other people involved.
It is essential that everyone involved respects each other’s feelings and tries not to judge one another too
He chose his wife but still contacts me
When someone chooses his wife but still contacts you, it mean a lot of things.
It means that he’s not over you yet and still has feelings for you.It could also mean that he wants to keep you as a backup in case things don’t work out with his wife.
Sometimes it means he misses the connection he felt with you, or he regret leaving things unresolved.
It’s also possible that this person is still attracted to you and is trying to reignite the flame.However, the most likely explanation is that this individual isn’t really over you and is hoping to get back together.
Or it could simply be that he’s a jerk who is stringing you along.
Can a married man cheat and still love his wife?
The vast majority of men who cheat on their wives do love them and are still deeply attached to them.
However, there are a few men who cheat simply because they’re looking for a physical connection with someone else and don’t really care about their wife.
The psychological reason most men cheat is because they’re not getting what they need from their wife emotionally.
Often, when a man is feeling disconnected from his wife, he’ll look for that connection elsewhere.
This can be extremely damaging to the relationship, and often leads to feelings of betrayal and mistrust.
How do you make him choose you over the other woman?
It’s not about making him choose you over the other woman.It’s about making him want to be with you and only you.
The psychology of love is complex, but there are a few basic principles that can help you make someone want to be with you.
First, it’s important to understand what makes someone fall in love.People fall in love because they are attracted to someone who meets their emotional needs.
In my article How to make him chose you over her. I go into detail about what emotional needs are and how to make sure you’re meeting them in order to make him choose you over the other woman.
Second, it’s important to create a strong bond with the person you want to be with.This can be done by spending time together, being supportive, and sharing intimate details about your life.
Conclusion
The most important thing to remember if you find yourself in this situation is that you are not alone.Many women have been in your shoes and come out the other side.
If you’re struggling to deal with your emotions, it’s okay to seek professional help.A therapist can assist you in dealing with the pain and helping you to move on.
Mama Nkima is a marriage counselor and relationship expert who has dedicated her life to helping couples build strong, healthy relationships. She has academic degrees in Education and Psychology.She has over 40 years of experience helping couples and individuals work through their relationship issues.
She draws on her own experiences as a spiritual guide but also from years of research to offer readers practical, actionable advice.
